The Poetics of an Odd (wo) Man out

hindi mo lang alam...(oo by Updharma down)

2009-07-17T04:53:00.000-07:00

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana'y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako'y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa'yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako'y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s'ya na lang
Sana'y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako'y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako'y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana'y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s'ya na lang
Sana'y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika'y minamasdan
Sana iyo'y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan

Decode

2009-07-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

Truth is staring right in front of me. It’s melancholic and tired eyes pierce through my soul as though it can see every intricate detail of my being. I don’t recall encountering Truth somewhere along this path I’m traversing. I wondered, how long it has been standing there and why suddenly it decided to stop me from my tracks.

I waited. Truth just stood there examining me with its haunting eyes. I looked down to avoid the strong gaze that leaves goose bumps all over my body. It then stretched out its long, cat-like hands, touched my forehead and showed me something—an epiphany.

The epiphany was intense, abrupt, and strangely comforting.

A quick flashback and flash forward ensued. I slowly grasped everything Truth showed me. And after what seem like an eternity, Truth walked away, smiling. Its icy voice that keeps saying, “You know what to do” lingers in my head.

I walked the long stretch quiet path until my feet hurt. It was then I saw a fork in the road, both leading to different directions. And instead of going right, I turn left.

I headed towards the unknown with only courage and a brief memory of that one surreal encounter with Truth.

This is where it all starts.

End.To.Begin.

We are here (WWE anecdote)

2009-07-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

Super masaya ako dahil natupad na din ang isa sa mga pangarap ko: ang makanood ng WWE live! maraming tao ang nagpunta mapabata man at mapalola, pramis. Hindi ko lang alam kung sino ang kras ni lola dun pero marami akong nakitang mga-70 plus dun na tanders.

Maraming asteeg moments dun: yung 619 ni Rey Mysterio at yung natanggal ang maskara niya (kung san kinabahan ako ng bongga), yung pag-trash talk ni Chris Jericho, paghiga niya sa rope ng ring sabay dirty finger sa audience at yung paglipad ni Jeff hardy sa ere sa kanyang kakaibang moves.

pangarap audience moment ko: yung tawagin ka at paakyatin sa ring kasama ng isang wrestler (in this case gusto ko si Jeff hardy) tapos yakap at bigyan ka souvenir shirt. Kanina may ganyan moment kaso with tommy dreamer at dun sa isang batang lalake sa ringside na may hawak na poster. naingit naman ako.

Hindi din ganun ka-violent ang laban maliban sa hinampas sa railings ganyan at wala din steel chair moments.

All in all, kahit purita amor na ako sa mahal ng tickets, worth it naman siya. And I'm happy coz I was there. in that particular moment.

Charge it to Experience

2009-07-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

Or maybe not.

Somewhere along this lifetime, we heard people say that everything even shit, happens for a reason. There’s a strange feeling of relief in knowing that something good will come out, eventually, in the end. It makes acceptance a lot easier. Or maybe not.

When painful things transpire, your brain keeps shooting questions at you. Endless questions of whys and hows until you get tired of questioning and answering everything and just shrugged the whole thing as experience, another-lesson-learned-for-me-send-by-the-universe.

But do you really fully grasp the lesson brought about by any intense experience? (By intense, I mean, something that takes you to the very edge of your being; something that shook and maybe even debunk everything you believe in) Do you honestly take with you lessons from experience god or just thought you did by masking it with cautiousness so that absolutely no one and nothing can mess you up again. Never again.

Until one day, the universe decides to play with you just to see if you essentially learned anything from previous experience/s. It’s all mindfuckin’ thing. You’re suck again to this vortex of events and whirlwind of emotions. Even if you know the scent of this familiar pain and the landscape of this whole experience (with its maze of possible outcomes), you find yourself lost and helpless. At the end of the day, you still dive towards the seemingly unknown terrain, not of course to learn anything but to feel the joy of being alive. This may sound ‘masochistic’ but it’s not. People choose to feel the whole pain experience because that’s what makes them so burning with life. Yes, there’s always a tinge of remorse, once in a while, but there's also an actualization, a redeeming factor (that may take a lot of time and introspection) that everything, absolutely everything happens for a reason and for that alone, we are or I am eternally grateful to the universe or to the Higher Power.

Or maybe not.

And this is why I'm doomed for life....

2009-06-12T03:01:00.000-07:00

I hate the fact that I'm loveless, BF-less, and the feeling that nobody seems to think that my existence is special to say the least. There's this cousin of mine, who wants to do "reto-reto" and somehow I'm pissed. I don't know why. Maybe, I'm not yet open to these experiences or I just hate it that someone is making me feel that I'm incapable of finding my maan (mahal) thru the reto stuff. I also hate it that the guy has some sort of expectations and the vibes that he wants to see me badly and he's really interested. Why should he? He doesn't know me enough to say that I'm interesting. It's just BS.

The guy also wants to go to our house and visit me there. WHY?!!!!!! for goodness' sake. I just don't get it. It's just macho thingie for me and not respect as they often say. See, if a guy wants to go to your house that means he has good intentions. I don't think so. If there's someone I'll bring to our home and introduce to my parents, that would be my life partner, not just some random guy that my cousin introduced to me.

I'm also pissed with my cousin. He acts as though I need to have a BF now because it's not good to end up as an old maid. He thinks that being married is the greatest fulfillment in this world. Of course, I do want to marry someday but I want to achieve my dreams first and really know myself.

I do want to have a lovelife and I don't want to end up as a spinster but I'd rather find "the love of my life" on my own and through different ways. But not like this. Not now.

Image from here.

As of this writing...

2009-06-08T04:05:00.000-07:00

Today, I feel so happy and optimistic (which rarely happens nowadays, by the way) that nothing and no one can destroy the good mood.

***

Each time my friend Justine and I talked about our "European dream," my heart is pounding nonstop and my head is reeling with many future scenarios out of excitement for the possibility that this dream will happen in time. (soon, sana). I know some people might view this as "ambisyosa" (ambitious) pero paki nila, pangarap ko to sa buhay at kahit ano mangyari, paglalaban ko to. woot!

I'll make it happen, someday.

God, help me.

New Moon Trailer

2009-06-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

#heartsdesire: travel

2009-05-31T02:25:00.000-07:00

Lately, I find myself falling more and more in love with traveling.There's just something refreshing and eye-opening as you go to other places. I think it makes you aware that the world is a really really big place with various people and culture. Plus you get to learn new things not only about history-related stuff but also about yourself.

Every travel is a journey to one's self.

Whenever I read travel blogs like this, I feel inspired to spend my saved money, pack my bag and go somewhere. I already made "plans" (yes, me, who doesn't even plan anything at all is trying to plan)to concretize this dream like save money (of course), which will be strictly spend for travel purposes only, try finding affordable tour packages and lastly tumaya sa lotto (baka swertehin at manalo ako!). I also thought that I should explore Philippines first before going to other countries.

So far, in the last six months, I've only been to Zambales and Sagada. If things go well, my sister and I will go to Bohol by October or November.

Hopefully, in the coming years, I get to see more places around the globe, meet new people and learn more cultures.

The secret.......

Image taken somewhere from the net

This guy deserves his win!!

2009-05-21T05:41:00.001-07:00

I'm so glad Kris Allen won... normally I wouldn't blog something like this but I don't want to let this moment pass without writing it down or something. I just remembered last year, when David Cook won, I was planning to blog it until I eventually forgot it. So, I don't want that to happen again.this time.

Kudos to Kris Allen!

Nostalgic or how I'm missing my Lit friends

2009-05-16T00:51:00.001-07:00

I fell in love

2009-05-16T00:12:00.000-07:00

......with the seemingly endless zigzag road, the race to get inside Dagupan bus, the greenery scenes of pine trees and abounding mountains, the scary ravine, the 12-hour journey, the long hike down the breathtaking rice terraces, the enormous Bomod-ok waterfalls and the feel of ice cold water entering your body, the cool mist, the slippery rocks along Lumiang Cave, the various shapes of rock formations in Sumaging Cave, the rappel in between solid rocks, the whole spelunking adventure, the fear and courage felt while inside the cave,the bat shit scattered across the caves, the bittersweet taste of cat shit coffee (Alamid,) the hot lemon pie, the delicious yogurt and pasta at Yoghurt house, the hanging coffins and its culture, the church with its broken flower-shaped windows, the rusty bell near the church and its history, anecdotes behind Echo valley, bonfire tradition and the cemetery, our humble abode courtesy of George’s guesthouse, the warm and accommodating people, our superb tour guides: Kuya Perry and Kuya Enzo, various people we encountered along the way, friends who are game for every adventure (Marco, Obet, Jerz and Mark), the spontaneous planned/unplanned itinerary, every first experience and the feeling of happiness and complete freedom from life’s stresses that is Sagada.

I want to go back there. Someday...

the majestic rice terraces...

ang mga TNL na nagpasaya ng buong trip...

I dreamed of Spain

2009-04-25T03:15:00.000-07:00

Every time this TV ad shows up, I feel a mixed sensation of envy and hope.

As some of you already know, I always wanted to go to Spain and study Literature there. I always imagined myself studying there,traveling, writing and very happy that I concretize my dream, which some people including my parents thought as crazy and impossible.

You see I didn't study Spanish just so I can take revenge on my Spanish prof in college who makes us sing tierra adorada and recite three different prayers in Spanish and who probably says mean things to me in Spanish when she caught me spacing out during class. (At that time, I couldn't go to the CR because I don't know how to say "ma, may I go out?" )This is usually my press release to my college friends who hated our Spanish subject because of our professor. I told them that one day I'll go back to our school and talk to professor x in perfect Spanish and she'll be very surprise by my awesome and fantabulous Spanish. :)

(But first, I must go back to studying Spanish..)

I know that if there's something I wanted sooo badly in this world that would be to reach that dream. I just hope that the whole universe will conspire to make this happen.
Tonight, everything seems so magical that I feel a strong urge to blog this dream away. Usually when I write things down, they just happened. I know this won't land in my hands easily because I need to work hard to make it happen, but I guess there's no harm in writing it down.

So this me channeling THE SECRET and dreaming out loud of studying in Spain, dancing flamenco with hotties (choz), eating churros, watching soccer, and living the would-be biggest adventure of my life!

God, help me.

iFeliz Dia del Mundo!

2009-04-23T04:27:00.000-07:00

Since I'm somewhere between boredom and stressed out, I decided to write here, to kill time and to concretize thoughts swirling in my head in the past days. I'm afraid that if I don't write these down, they might rut inside my mind.

I like the talk of Susan Roxas in our wiki wednesday earth day presentation. I think that her brutal honesty and keeping it real vibes inspired me and made me feel that she's really genuinely concern about the environment. I actually thought that her talk is going to be one of the those preachy kinda environmentalist who tells you the do's and dont's. She keeps it simple by painting what's happening in our environment and what we can do about it. I like the way she advises not to have any children and this killer line: you are your own meteorite. She said that people always imagined that the earth will be destroyed by a massive meteorite that will fall in the sky, but Susan said we are that meteorite who destroys our environment little by little.

Thru her talk, I began to appreciate the biodiverse marine life we have here in the Philippines, the concept of sustainability and ecological footprint. Even though, the situation now is disheartening, there's still something we can do about it. Anyone and everyone should do their fair share and no matter how little it is, it still counts. Like she said, "your generation is at crossroad, it's up to you which path you will take.."

some of the takeways from the talk:

buy local- it lessens carbon footprint
everything is interconnected
patronize products that are environment-friendly

a breath of fresh air

2009-04-08T04:58:00.000-07:00

The unplanned family trip to Zambales last Monday was fun, fun, and fun. Tatay cooked our baon, we all got lost trying to find the right exit to SCTEX, I made a boy cry (which makes me officially a BULLY), we went boating to Capones island,we collect seashells, we swam, we sang our hearts out in the videoke machine, we ate lots of msgs and cookies and chuckies and liempo (thanks to ate sol, moi and moymoy), we took some pictures, we swam again, we ate again and we got lost in Meycauayan on the way home.

The day is action-packed and full of misadventures but I really had a great time with my family. Made me realized that even though, we have our own lives now, we still are family and that they're always be a source of happiness and solace.

Thank God for family :)

Introducing Butete-san: Ang Bagong Shipmate

2009-03-26T01:09:00.000-07:00

Butete-san (noun, adjective)

-That kick-ass AI robot slash companion slash work-life balancer with waterproof features and feedback mechanism con logs.
-His legs are build in such a way that he can traverse thru time and for other telepathic churvas.
- Users can even altered Butete-san's gender depending on their preference.

Heto yung hitsura niya:

SM far-view in the news

2009-03-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

Heto nakuha ko from Mayee:

Shoppers panic over smoke in QC mall

Last time na may kaguluhan sa sm ayun ata yung may barilan tapos andun kami ng nanay ko sa Dunkin Donuts nagtago kasi nagkakagulo na ang lahat. Basta lahat ng shops sinasarado nila yung pinto nila at walang taong pinapalabas. Akala ko nun may terorista na or hostage drama na nangyayari. Kaloka.

Palagi na lang ako naiipit sa may putukan ng baril, one time nung pauwi na ako sa bahay, mga 10:30 pm na at nag-aabang ako ng bus pauwi sa may tapat ng megamall, nagulat ako kasi lahat ng tao nagtatabuhan tapos may putok tapos nakaladkad ako dun sa bus na papuntang UE Monumento. Sabi nung mga nakasakay ko may naghahabulan daw tapos may mga baril. Hay buti na lang nakaiwas. Thank God!

may brown bang plema (?) at iba pang eklaboo

2009-03-18T01:36:00.000-07:00

mga umikot-ikot sa aking isipan: plema, ikaw at ang xocolat martinis.

Matagal ko ng gusto matikman yung xocolat martinis (kaso every Friday lang ito ng 5 pm-9 pm). Mukhang pagkatapos na ng AI ako makakatikim nun kasi wala naman akong pasok every Friday. except this Friday. Sked kaguluhan. Kaso may plema ako umikot sa lalamunan, sa dibdib tungo sa baga ko. Pasaway kasi ako! or talagang panahon ito ng pagkakasakit. Madami-dami na rin kaming nagkakasakit dito at may plema.

Pag may plema ka at uminom ka nung drinks na yun magiging brown ba plema mo? maglalasang alkohol at tsokolate ba ito?

Nung Sabado, natulog ako halos buong shift sa opis kasi masama pakiramdam ko at bangenge ako sa neozeps, tapos narinig ko yung mga FMS, nagbulungan, sabi, "Ayan natutulog kakapasok lang niyan eh!"

binigyan ako ng kaibigan ko ng futsal shirt and bag from Thailand. Saya-saya. Namimiss ko ng mag-Futsal kaso after AI pa din ako makakalaro nun. Sked kaguluhan.

Sabi ko ayaw ko na munang magsulat.Pero gusto ko ng magsulat. ngayon. as in ngayon. bukas baka ayaw ko na naman.

Gusto ko pumunta dito

*image galing sa Flicker na isang tao na hindi ko kilala...

Para sa mga taong hindi takot sundan ang mga pangarap nila ...

2009-02-14T00:50:00.000-08:00

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

~got this poem here

An afternoon lesson on happiness and contentment or ang pagbisita sa Asilo

2009-02-01T00:37:00.000-08:00

Kahapon nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon makilala at makasama kahit sa sandaling panahon ang mga bata sa Asilo de San Vicente de Paul. Kasama ang ilang officemates at sa panguguna ni Chris ay bumisita, nakihalobilo, nakilaro ng hephep hurray, tao-bahay-bagyo at picture frame, nakipag-usap, nakicheer, nakisayaw, at nakipagtawanan kami sa mga bata.

Sa hapon na yun, naging ate at kuya rin kami sa mahigit 37 na bata. Bakas sa mga mukha nila ang kagalakan na makita kami. Isa si Mylene at Matet sa mga batang nakilala ko dun. Si matet (11 years old) ay binomba ako ng mga slambook questions like ilan taon na ako, anong grade ko na (sinabi ko kasi 13 years old lang ako... di ko sinabi ito ay noon taon 1998 pa.. hehe). Masayahin na bata si matet at madaldal din siya kasi kahit kakakilala pa lang namin nagkwekwento siya at nakikipagkulitan. Ganun din si Ashley na nagkwento ng tungkol sa kanyang field trip at school. Si Mylene naman, 16 years old ay dating tumira sa may Maligaya (isang lugar malapit sa'min) kaya medyo can relate kami sa fairview stories.

Nag-umpisa ang hapon sa 'cheering competition' kung saan pinakita ni JM at ng group three ang kanilang natatagong talento sa pag-move it move it.. Matapos ang cheering naglaro naman kami ng mga games. Mayroon din hephep hurray game kung saan una akong nasibak. Tapos tsibugan at marami pang kwentuhan...

bago natapos ang hapon, dalawang sayaw ang inihandog ng mga bata sa'min. Umawit din sila ng thank you and nagpasalamat samin. Natouch ako dun sa sinabi nung isang bata, na kung gaano namin sila napasaya at nagpapasalamat siya na kahit gaano kami ka-busy ay nakapunta kami sa Asilo. Sinabi pa niya na kahit isang beses lang namin sila makakasama ay habang buhay na kami magiging parte ng buhay nila.

Sa totoo lang, ako pa yung napasaya at na-touch ng mga bata sa Asilo. although siyempre sana din sa maliit na paraan ko ay natouch ko kahit papano sila. And kahit ilan oras ko lang sila nakasama, masasabi ko na magiging parte na sila ng buhay ko.

Isang learning experience ang Asilo lalo na sa tulad ko na may qualms sa world at sa buhay buhay. Na-realized ko na dapat kahit anong mga pagsubok or estado ko sa buhay, dapat lagi akong maging positibo at may pag-asa. Ayan ang tinuro sa kin ng mga bata. Kung tutuusin sila pa ang may karapatan maging abs bitter herbs sa buhay pero pag nakita mo sila, mararamdaman mo na sobrang positive at masaya sila.

Nakakatuwa sila kasi sobrang grateful sila sa aming pagbisita at talagang winelcome nila kami at tinuring na parang ate at kuya.

Sana makabalik pa ako sa Asilo :)

PS Salamat kay Chris na nag-imbita samin.. next time ulit :)

Sa wakas... may koreanovela bike na ako..... WOOT

2009-01-27T22:40:00.000-08:00

after x number of months of waiting, x VRs processed (katas kasi ito ng holiday pay), and pagdarasal na yung makabunot sa kin ay regaluhan ako nito... ay nakabili na din ako ng KOREANOVELA bike. Ansaya ng pakiramdam. Super excited ako kasi antagal ko rin inasam asam ito..

binili ko yung bike sa Raon kasama ang nanay ko. color red yung bike. naisip ko kasi yung tatay ko eh. hehehe. basta nung nakita yung bike may parang music na "starira stadirara" tapos naimagine ko agad ang sarili ko sa bike na yun kaya ayun ang binilli ko. hehehe

wala pa akong naiisip na ipapangalan dito. siguro KB as in koreanovela bike since ganyan ang katawagan ko na. Yung tindero ng bike sabi lady's bike daw yun tapos yung nag-assemble nung bike (na nagsabi rin na maiksi yung binti ko dahil hindi ko abot yung sahig pagsakay sa bike) ang tawag dun ay chinese bike..

after ma-assemble ito ni-road test ko na siya sa subdivision namin. may nagsabi sakin, "wow parang sa pelikula lang ah" may ilan din napatingin,... hahahaa choz.. basta masaya ako.

Dora should be my spanish teacher

2009-01-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

I'm having difficulties comprehending what my spanish teacher is talking about more than ever. In fact, out of 50 words he spoke, i could only grasp 5 words.. hahaha.. .. maybe i should work extra hard and study more if I really want to learn the language.

My spanish teacher who looks like young santa ( as per cha) really speaks fast and he never attempted to explain anything in english.. huhu.... today we had this activity, where we had to list down what amparanoia (spanish indi band) is saying in the interview. While watching the video, I was doodling something on my notes... well more of FLAMES.. then my classmate looked down on my notes and noticed it. He grinned and sort of nudge me as if to say, "ano yan ginagawa mo" syempre, nahiya ako... he thought i was doing the activity seriously since it looked like I was writing something... but NOOO... flames pala to.. kaya naman when teacher is asking what amparanoia said... my mind and notes are like NADA...
focus badette!

kung ako'y makata sana, maisusulat kita ng ganito...

2009-01-15T16:06:00.000-08:00

kung hanggang tula lang ako
richard r. gappi

Puting lapida itong pintong papel.
Tuwing dadalaw ka, nagkakapangalan
ang pangungulila, nahahawi
ang mga agiw na napagkit sa mga ukit.
Tila umiingit na bisagra ang mga salita
kapag pinatutuloy ang mga ito;
sumisilip naman ang matalas na sinag,
tila balaraw na nilalaslas ang dilim
na nakalupasay sa sahig.
Minsan, nagmumulto ang puntod.
Pinangangatog ang tuhod.
Ngunit muli akong ipapanatag
ng katotohanang nakapinid na
ang ngiti ng lugod,
nakahimlay na ang damdaming
nagpatibok sa puson.
Sa ganitong tagpo, lalong
lumalawak ang giwang ng pinto.
Sapagkat sa bawat katok ng mga salita
nauulinigan ko ang iyong
mga impit na halinghing at bulong;
sa bawat tulos ko ng taludtod,
pumapatak sa diwa ang malalapot na gunita;
at kapag naitundos ko ang imahen,
nakukuyom ko kahit
ang balangkas ng iyong anino.
Kaya unawain ako
kung ito lang ang kayang gawin.
Sapagkat tula lang ang naaangkin.
At dito ka lang nagiging akin.

Nakuha ko from Jpaul

dahil hindi na-{BLOCKED} ulit ang multiply at wala ng VR...

2009-01-14T23:41:00.000-08:00

Nagulat ako sa comment ni Jay sa'kin nung futsal last Tuesday, "det wag kang matakot sa bola.. isipin mo na lang backdoor yan!" eh sa totoo naman hindi ako takot sa bola. oo sige na nga aaminin oo takot ako sa bola or sa anything na makakasakit sa kin.. duh! siyempre masakit naman talaga ang masaktan. pero paminsan minsan kinakailangan matamaan ng bola sa kalagitnaan ng laro at masaktan para tumibay ka at para matuto ka hindi lamang ng pag-ilag moves kundi umisip ng paraan kung pano mo haharapin ang malakas na hagupit na bola.

{BLOCKED}

2009-01-11T01:32:00.000-08:00

wala ng multiply sa office. Blinocked na ulit nung mga taga-IT samin. natunugan ata na panay ang pag-update namin every shift. nalungkot naman ako...wala ng libangan..

isang nakakaaliw na ideya na narinig ko today: palay na nga lumapit sa manok, tinangihan pa...

naalala ko tuloy yung sinabi ni JM dati, mas madaling mahuli ang manok pag nakatali.. o di ba wala na tong sense pero wala lang...

nakakita na akong cheaper version ng koreanovela bike sa raon kahapon.. hmmm mas mura ito ng P400 kesa dun sa nakita ko sa sm fairview at mas maraming colors.. sabi ko sa tatay ko bibilhin kong kulay ay purple para mahihiya siyang gamitin.. hahaha.. sagot ng tatay ko: "eh sprayan ko yan ng itim" (ayus noh)..

nakapunta na rin ako sa wakas sa bookay kung san bumili ako ng isang isabel allende buk at bracelet na unique (i think) dami dun asteeg na buks na guato kong balikan someday..

sabi ko kay ar, wag na magpasalubong ng panyo kasi nung last year ayun yung pasalubong niya tapos katakot takot na luha at malas ang inabot ko (oo supertitious ang lola mo) kaya now binigyan niya ako ng walley... thanks arleggy :)

{BLOCKED} n kasi ang multiply :(

2009-01-10T18:27:00.001-08:00

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.

You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority.

Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.

You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.

You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. You break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

all good things come to end..................for now

2009-01-08T23:25:00.000-08:00

When I opened my multiply account this morning, I couldn't access it because of it was {BLOCKED} again. Hay sighs... I was even planning to upload pictures this weekend here..

Some good things never last and this is one of them...

Pero siyempre nung kinahapunan na

Hindi na ulit {BLOCKED} siya... woot kaya heto ako nakakapag-blog...

I'm sure darating din yung time na permanent na tong mawawala pero til then... multiply lang ng multiply... wag lang papahuli.. choz

Beatnik, Bike at si Bob Ong

2009-01-07T00:39:00.000-08:00

Noong Sunday, sinamahan ako ng ate ko na tumingin ng koreanovela bike sa may SM. Sa kagandahan palad nakakita ako na kulay blue na sinakyan ko pa para ma-feel if dizzizit na nga.. pero nag-disclaimer ako dun sa may kuya at ate tindera dun na hindi pa ako bibili kasi wala pang pera.. grabe natuwa ako kasi nakakita ako ng gusto kong bike kaso lang nga medyo mahal.. ang budget ko lang kasi atlis 2.5K. Naisip ko na tumingin na lang sa ibang bicycle shops sa may amin or di kaya sa raon kung san mura yung bike. Yung tatay ko nag-suggest na motor na lang daw bilihin ko.. (kamusta naman!) hehehe..

Today naman natapos ko na ang spam beat.... woot tapos dumating na din si jerz (from the land of durian) na nagbigay sakin ng 3 Bob Ong books. Super natuwa ako kasi sa totoo lang, wala akong buk nun at hindi pa ako nakakabasa ng any Bob Ong buks ( o kamusta naman)... hehehe ..

Thank you Jerz :)

Running with Lola

2009-01-02T13:24:00.000-08:00

After giving up on convincing my sister to watch Tanging Ina Niyong Lahat, I decided to watch the German film, Run Lola Run. The movie explores the concept of people's actions/decisions leading to different consequences and realities. Basically, it's about the story of Lola who tried to save her boyfriend Manni from impending doom by getting 100,000 marks within 20 minutes. At the onset of the film, Lola was late for her 'appointment' with Manni because her scooter was stolen. Due to that, Manni took the subway along with the money (he needs to deliver to some crime lord), which he accidentally left and pick up by a bum. And this is where all the 'running' begins...

The movie consists of three runs and always re-begins on the part of Manni-Lola's telephone conversation at 11:40 am.Three runs that results to various endings. I like this movie since it makes you think and it engages you in a 'dialogue' of sorts. The style of narration and use of still frames to tell what will happen to the people that Lola passes by are really innovative. Asteeg!

I was thinking, what if on the third run, the bum shot Manni when Manni gave his gun in exchange for his bag of money or what if Manni got killed by the crime lord since he lost his money. Something tragic. It reminds me of Orpheus and Eurydice or Romeo and Juliet... what if these tragedies had many runs perhaps it wouldn't end so tragically?

In life (eto yun eh), there are moments when I wished I could be lola and just shout, "STOP" and everything will re-start again. Don't get me wrong. I've learned to appreciate my past as something that molds me to become the 'me' now. It's just that there are rare happy moments that I want to relive and replay again and again...

Closes lid, starts on a blank slate

2008-12-31T23:13:00.000-08:00

It is always important to know when something has reached its end.
Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it;
What matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.
-- Paulo Coelho

Here's to reaching my dreams, good health for my family and friends, finding (and feeling) love in spite of pain, seeing the goodness of other people, happiness amidst setbacks, acceptance over things I can't change, strength to move on and courage to begin another journey...

Thank you God for another year :)

true colors

2008-12-30T05:04:00.000-08:00

Your Colors Say You Are Caring

When you are at peace, you are:

Energized and innovative

When you are moved to act, you are:

Giving and warm

When you are inspired, you are:

Flexible and experimental

When your life is perfectly balanced, you are:

Connected to nature and the world

Your life's purpose is:

To find contentment

The Ultimate Color Test

Acceptance is Key

2008-12-29T17:02:00.000-08:00

In anything and everything else, the best remedy is still acceptance. I try so hard to be indifferent over things/people thinking that it's the safest way to go. But I'm wired in such a way that I care too much so it's really hard for me not to bother. And through time, I learned that apathy can only deepen the pain and prolong the misery. Acceptance, on the other hand, maybe me painful at first but it can help you to move forward.

Apathy kasi parang pain-reliever lang. It temporarily numbs you but the pain is still there. While acceptance, mahaba-habang proceso parang theraphy pero surebol magaling ka na after.

At the end of the day, it's better to accept things as they are, hope for the best, pray that things will fall in its right place and let go.

Let go.

Easy to say but it's really best to face things head on rather than kill it through indifference, which in the process may also kill your soul.

Image taken somewhere from the Net.

When confused........should I go on?

2008-12-28T02:35:00.000-08:00

I know what I want to be and where I want to go but some thing's stopping me: fear. I guess that's the thing about getting old, you are afraid to take risks since you're more focus on stability, at least to me.

I want to pursue a career in travel writing but I know that it doesn't pay well.I want to study literature again but that not's going to land me any stable job aside from the academe. I want to do various voluntary works and feel that I'm doing something bigger than just making money but I also want to help my parents, financially speaking.

And now that I'm a year older, I feel more than ever that time is running out for me. If I don't move now and pursue my dreams, I'll be left behind. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for what I have and where I am right now it's just that I'm not happy anymore.

I remembered the character in the book, "The Alchemist" who is so good in making crystal glasses that for some time he forgot his personal dream and slowly the universe stops speaking to him and giving him signs. But eventually, he realized that even if he is okay in the crystal business that's not his personal dream.

I can feel that the universe is speaking to me.

But why am I not listening?

I've seen the signs.

I met people who show me to be brave and ran after my goals.

I know that now is the time to jump off my comfort zone and live my dreams.

But why can't I take the first move?

God, help me.

hayskul friends reunion

2008-12-27T20:44:00.000-08:00

after x number of years, nakita ko rin ang ilan sa mga HS friends ko. Dati rati kasi di ako nakakapunta sa mga reunions namin dahil busy at walang pera. Pero now, thanks to myra and frich ayan nagkaroon ng chance para magmeet kami kahit pa gaano ka-busy. Kahit anim lang kami (Myra, Frich, julius, cecil, Kim at ako) sobrang saya-saya, parang walang nagbago at parang hindi taon ang binilang ng aming di pagkikita-kita.

Venue: Gerry's grill, lunch time. siyempre unang dumating ang cecil na tinambangan ako sa CR nung nakita niya na umalis ako dun sa venue. Sabi niya hinanap niya pa talaga ang kanyang salamin para lang makisigurado na ako nga yun. Tapos late-late ang drama ng ibang lola (as usual late si kimberly) hehehe.. si julius ay galing pa sa kanyang dentist gig sa SM fairview din. At dahil dentista na siya (at may bangs), binigyan niya kami ng tig-isang set ng toothbrush, toothpaste, pang-dila (di ko lam kung ano tawag dun) si kimberly naman mega-promote ng Dayo with matching pamigay ng Dayo calendars dahil yung sister niya na si katrina aka hopia ang nagboses kay mananangurl. Choz

nakakatuwa kasi naloloka kami dahil feeling namin ang tanda na namin dahil ang pinag-uusapan na namin ay trabaho, pera at kung ano ano pa samantalang dati yung crush, HWs at nakakainis na teacher lang ang topics namin. May mga revelations din tungkol sa mga kabatch namin kung ano na nangyari sa kanila. Yung iba nga sa kwinekwento nila hindi na namin kilala ni Kim..

Masaya ang tangahalian except sa ma-asukal na sago't gulaman. Grabe sobrang tamis. Then after Gerry's and some paktyur taking, nag-starbucks kami kung san nakita namin si edison (isang batchmate)..

Kahit pala gaano kayo katagal magkahiwalay ng iyong mga kaibigan, pag tunay ang pagkakaibigan at samahan na mayron kayo, walang nagbabago. Ganun pa rin. Itsura niyo lang ang nagbabago pero hindi ang iyong samahan. labyu HS friends :)

Sweet 24

2008-12-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

Gradskul join GK
Study abroad

more time for loved ones
lose weight
travel writing

read neil gaiman's works

buy koreanovela bike

go to Vigan, Batanes and Sagada

reinvent onself

read postmodern classics

write as much as I can

love unconditionally

driving lessons
pottery lessons

UB quest

buy star-like lamps in Gateway

wear gurly stuff and be mahinhin (goodluck)

pursue career plans

reconnect with classmates

more patience and less worry

take TOEFEL

time for self

Usapang puso

2008-12-25T19:42:00.000-08:00

I just told my friend to leave her no-so loyal boyfriend for good. I don't know if its the right thing to say, but i told her anyway. I even cited what Uncle Bob (from UB) said about loyalty being an important factor in one's relationship.

Pero siyempre ano bang alam ko sa love...

the cityscape

2008-12-25T19:11:00.000-08:00

there's nothing more relaxing than climbing a rooftop building with a good friend and some chips and ice cream...

paskuhan @ bahay

2008-12-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

ang mg sumusunod ay ang mga pangyayari nung Disyembre 24 mula 10 ng gabi hanggang 3:30 ng madaling araw...

1. kainan at salo-salo with my family, Ate sol, ate kathy, ate shawi, jurgen, James liit, michelle, moymoy and family..
2. mga paputok at nabutas na bubong courtesy of my tatay...
3. exchange gifts (bunutan ng number) gusto lahat makakuha ng number 8... natanggap ko dalawang wallet...number 10
4.si joy pagkatapos manalo ng P500 (number 8) pumasok na sa bahay at di na nagpakita
5. videoke time
6. inuman tequila, red wine at san mig... ang mga participantes... ako, moy, jojo, ate sol, ate kathy, ate shawi at michelle, si tatay at nanay (saling kitkit)...
7. nauna sa tequila...second round... sumuka na...
8. sabi ni nanay, "bakit ka sumuka?" sagot ni tatay, "hindi kasi sanay uminom yan." natatawang sambit ni ate sol, "akala ko sanay ka uminom, ikaw kasi naunang tumagay"
9. after sumuka, hinawakan yung microphone at kumanta na lang ng kumanta habang sila umiinom pa din..
10. Ate kathy: "may pasok pa ako bukas ng 5 am" ate sol: "kami rin may pasok! inom ka pa!"
11. mga bandang 2:30 napagod na ako sa pag-videoke... nagsuggest manood ng movie
12. nanood ng quantum of solace.. opening credits pa lang nakatulog na.. hehehe
13. Si ate sol biglang nagsampay ng mga damit niya
14.ligpitan time
15. 3:30 natulog na kami

Parokya ni Edgar pretty much made my xmas party happy~

2008-12-23T17:43:00.001-08:00

The company Xmas party was really fun fun fun despite the no-so delicious food servings and the cocktail drinks which, I can't even describe the taste. The venue was held in Silver city (same as last year) and the theme was Las Vegas. I didn't join any games before the party. Jerz and I arrived late (nagpaparlor kasi sabi nga ni Xtian). Good thing we didn't miss anything.

Even though I didn't won in the raffle draw (except for that FA when the host said bernadette but it wasn't really me. it was another 'bernadette') I'm happy that our department won in all the contests that night. The performances of Paulee, Rica, Inggo and the rest of AM were beyond asteeg. Armed with complete costumes, Mariah (inggo), celine (paul) and Madonna (Rica) won the hearts not only of the judges but also the audience. Pero siyempre, nakakaloka din ang performance ng small group courtesy of Ate Winnen. Grabe asteeg niya. Ikaw ba naman buhat-buhatin at ihagis ng ilan beses. Kaya nga tie sa first place ang AM at small group.

Happy din because Blue and Benj won the Ms and Mr Trend titles. Siyempre ano bang masasabi mo kay Benj, who said he wants to be a malware writer but that would be difficult because of Trend Micro... and Blue who said she wants to be Batgirl and tied it up with bad guys and Trend Micro..

Pero ang nagpaganda talaga ng gabi ko ay ang Parokya ni Edgar. Well, fan ako ng mga songs nila pero hindi nila before. But now, after their gig, fan na nila ako for life. Crush ko si Buwi. Woot~

All in all, mas masaya tong xmas party na ito kesa last year and i'm glad I decided to go.

Spontaneous Rapture: 2008 in a Glance

2008-12-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

Writing a year end review of your life is an arduous and painful task. I discovered it now. It takes courage to look back and examine the things that happened in your life especially the painful memories, which you try to place at the far end corner of your head.

Writing this could have been a lot easier if I had achievements under my belt or if all memories are good ones. Although, 2008 is supposed to be my year since I was born under the year of the rat, I didn’t get to have that “luck.” Don’t get me wrong even though I wasn’t lucky, I was blessed. So here are the highlights of my life in 2008:

Unique experiences. Last June 30-July 2, I was able to participate in the GK build along with Jerz, Gedrick and some Taiwanese students. This is something that I really want to do and still want to do next year. During this experience, I get to experience what it feels like to build a house. Even though carrying heavy cement and hollow blocks was tiresome, I felt light and good, knowing that I did something for other people. I’m also glad to meet new people (Macany, Vic, Irene, Kathy, Sabrina) whose life stories made me richer and honestly made me want to go to Taiwan.

Last October 28-30, the team underwent the Upward Bound experience. This is where I realized that now is the time to start living my dreams no matter what other people think/say. It also empowered me that I am strong and that I can do anything. The experience also helps me regain my faith in God. Honestly, I’ve been harboring some bad feelings towards God because I feel that He is so distant and silent. I didn’t realize that He is/was there the whole time I’m undergoing trials. I am really grateful for this experience for it shakes me up and push me to move forward and fly high.

FF (Futsal friends). I’ve never been a fan of football or futsal for that matter but boy I was sure glad that I got hooked to this sport. This paved way for me to meet great friends (Blue, Dex, Tristan, JC, Jay,manok, Harry and company). I had a fair share of memories both from the futsal court and out. Aside from meeting people, it also gave an outlet to destress.

From Temp to PH. One of the things that I’m grateful for is my regularization at work. Now, I can enjoy some benefits that I don’t get before and I can join company events without my boss adding my name to the list. I’ve also transferred from research to VE, which is something I wanted to try before.

Chuvas. This year I met my parallel line, my intersecting line and my asymptote. Though I didn’t meet “the one” and still a NBSB, all that I’ve experiences related to heart matters, made me rethink and refeel. It also made me (hopefully) smarter and stronger because of the pain that it caused me. I just hope that these experiences will not make me bitter and afraid of love. I also hope to love unconditionally without expectations.

Certain Firsts. This year I joined P.I.A. (Pinay in Action) fun run with Macky, Mayee, Bix, and Jerz. Though Mayee and I got lost, we saw Lino Cayetano and we asked him for a souvenir picture. Before the PIA fun run, my friends at the office joined a race in UP. I wasn’t able to join because my teeth (fresh from surgery) is still aching. I had my two wisdom tooth removed because it was impacted. Perhaps, next year, I’ll ask the dentist to remove the remaining 2 impacted wisdom tooth. Ouch. It’s the worse physical pain I’d ever experienced in my life. I can’t eat. I can’t talk. I looked like I had mumps.

Another certain first moment is during our despedida with Ordy. It was held in a comedy bar (bar uno). This was my first time to enter such venue. Good thing, the hosts didn’t okray me. Myla told me that the foreigners who sang during that night were the actually the contestants in Amazing race asia 2.

Gifts. Finally my wish to have my own laptop came true—thanks to Tatay. I named it Edward Henry (from Twilight and Time traveller’s wife characters). I also received books from Ord (pasalubong from US) and some chocolates and DQ from friends at the office.

I entitled this blog entry as Spontaneous rapture since most of my experiences (good and bad) in 2008 are brought about by my spontaneity. Although there were consequences for my actions, I was really happy I did everything. No regrets.

Sabi nga ni Paulo Coelho:

“There's a moment in your life that you feel sorry for what you've done but then that precious moment would have remained just a miracle if you didn't do what you've done.”

“Be Brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience”

Rooftop Conversations

2008-12-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

The piles of skyscrapers aligned one after the other leaves a feeling of solitude. The wind as it brushes your face gives a feeling of surrender to all life's labyrinths. The city lights that flickered like stars in the dark night give hope that everything will fall in its right place. The blue river bed that runs endlessly towards Laguna de Bay serenades your soul with stillness. The breathtaking city view with its smog and noise lets you hear your own silent voice. And a good friend who listens and cheers you up drowns your troubled heart with the hand of friendship...

Thank you~

P.S. this was written last Dec 9, '08

kahit nag-iisa sa ofc, hindi na naiyak

2008-12-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

malungkot pala ang pakiramdam kapag malamig, madilim at nag-iisa ka lang sa opis. Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit nag-crayola na lang ako ng bonggang-bongga sa cube ko last sunday. Basta naisip ko lahat ng problema ko sa buhay, mga kalungkutan na nangyari at mangyayari. Habang nag-autosubmit ako, tumutulo na lang luha ko tapos hindi ko siya mapigilan. Inisip ko na lang na baka hormonal sadness lang ito. Pero hindi eh, ayaw tumigil eh. Haay...

*********
Pero ngayon, (saturday) kahit nag-iisa ako hindi naman ako naiiyak siguro kasi may multiply sa office (pero using FF dapat at hindi IE)

*********
sa pagbili ng damit pang-xmas party, ito lang na-feel ko: ayuko ng maging mataba at walang pera. kaloka ang hirap kasi bumili ng damit pero ayun nakakita din naman: purple knee length dress at nakakakita na rin akong heyborit kong sandals... kahit medyo mahal sige binili ko na.. minsan lang naman. i think.

********
sana manalo si blue later at sana manalo ako sa raffle :)

*******
Sabi ng isang kaibigan sa opis namin, masyado daw akong idealistic. Totoo kaya yun? ano sa tingin mo?

*******
five out of nine sa xmas mass........ AJA~

********
dahil shifting na ako... wala ng konsepto ng holiday.. may pasok kasi ako... haay.. sighs

*********
sana maging special yung 28

********
itutuloy ko na yung plano. bow.

twilight: Filipino kanto boy's version

2008-12-15T01:14:00.000-08:00

ito'y nakuha ko kay Justine

Kasi pare ganito daw yun. may isa daw babae na hot daw pare. pero maputla siya kasi hindi siya inalagaan ng nanay niya pare. tapos pare emo daw siya kasi nga daw hindi siya mahal ng mundo at para siyang patay na bata na galit sa mundo. tapos pare, lumipat daw siya ng tirahan kasi daw masyado daw siyang emo para sa luma niyang tirahan. sabi niya sa nanay niya "tangina mo nay gusto ko lumipat kay tay". tangina pare hindi nagalit nanay niya. sabi lang ng nanay niya "tangina mo pare wag ka magmura".

So lumipat siya sa tatay niya di ba? pagkarating niya dun sabi niya, "tangina erpat bakit maulan dito?" sabi ng erpat niya "gago "bur" months na! malamig na tangena". so nagtaka yung babaeng simula ngayon ay tatawagin na lang nating "babaeng maputla at emo".

So pumasok siya sa school di ba? binigyan siya ng truck ng tatay niya pare. sabi ng tatay niya "tangina mo sa'yo na tong truck ko". sabi niya "salamat tay".

Pagkarating niyang school tsong, may nakita siyang lalaking mukhang bangkay pero pogi. sakto. pogi pero mukhang bangkay. sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "hot pare".

Nung chem lab na ni babaeng maputla at emo, natagpuan niyang lab partner niya yung poging bangkay. so nung tinignan siya nung poging bangaky, ang asim ng mukha nito. mukhang nandiri ata kay babaeng maputla at emo.

Sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina KA". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina NIYA oh *tumuro sa teacher nila*". sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "oo nga noh. TANGINA MO". sabi ni poging bangkay "tangina mo gago bampira ako". tapos naghubad siya ng damit at kumintab ang katawan niya kasi linagyan niya ng glitters ang abs niya kasi tigas siya at ganun na ang mga tigas ngayon na nagpupuntang emba.

So pare na in love si babaeng maputla at emo kay poging bangkay. si poging bangkay naman sige lang kasi sex din daw yun. so ayun. angshweet shweet nila.

"Eow poh... ahihihihi"

"Bebe mwahugz,..... ^^,"

So tapos nun nagpunta sila sa damuhan kasi.... alam mo na. tapos sabi ni poging bangkay "ikaw na buhay ko ngayon" sabi ni babaeng maputla at emo "tangina mo gago patay ka na". sabi ni poging bangkay "TANGINA KA".

Tapos nagsex sila

So basically pare yun lang yung mga importanteng nangyari sa buong storya. intense noh? kaya pala nahhook lahat ng tao.

[Badette's take on Men]

2008-11-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

Over lunch yesterday, I had this QQ moment where I said, Ako kasi hindi puno ang turing ko sa lalaki... para silang Styro... DISPOSABLE...

Now I'm in big trouble. :D

We'll always have Baguio

2008-11-24T00:43:00.000-08:00

ito'y para kina Justine at Bixie (happy birthday woot~) Miss na namin kayo .. grabe one year na rin ang nakalipas since this trip.. sana maulit ulit..

Ito'y pa rin sa mga ka-chongkakels: Jerz, Jake, Miray, tin, macky, mayee, and JM at kay Bella at dun sa may bigoteng guy.. hehehe..

isangb matipid na despedida

2008-11-23T20:01:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Jerz, natuklasan ko ang pag-slideshow dito... hehehe... mahirap din mag cut/paste. choz.

Mayee-nesque or (goodbye for now, see you in three months)

2008-11-21T02:31:00.000-08:00

This blog post is way overdue...

Nov 10. Isang munting despedida (chips, Magic sing at KFC galore c/o of Jason) ang binigay ng team kay Mayee. Munti kasi wala pa rin sweldo ang mga tao ng mga panahon na ito.Hehe. Ang Asteeg kasi andaming pagpapangap ang ginawa para matago siya kay Mayee. Ayun nga may pagtakbo pa kami nila Jerz at Reuben sa kadiliman, pagtakas ng baso sa pantry (na buti hindi na halata ni Mayee na dala namin sa elevator), paggawa ng kwento na kakain sa Chocolate atbp. Pero nakakaaliw kasi nahalata niya na may something dahil sa 1 lang rice ang inorder ni Macky imbes na 2 (ang press release kasi magluluto sila ng corned beef sa condo kung saan nagtatago kami at bubulagain ang Mayee

Masaya. Halos kumpleto kaming lahat. Kahit chichirya lang at spiked ice team at magic sing at kafak ang meron kami. maraming kwento. May nalaglag sa kalsada, may nakalimot sa ideology niya on KFC, may interrogation session with chachi, may haiku pa, at maraming maraming kanta ....

Ito ang ilan sa mga larawan nung araw na iyon:

naghihintay sa pagdating ni Mayee.. mother and paulee nag-aayus ng chips while macky, eric and Jake, chism on the side

mother serenades us including father

Classic mother pose

Classic Paulee pose

kantahan na~

Kainan na~ woot!

Super mamimiss namin si Mayee--ang kanyang giggles, books (yun pala yun eh) at siyempre SIYA mismo.. di bale mabilis lang naman ang three months :)

See yah Mayee~

nagsalita ang NBSB

2008-11-16T04:58:00.000-08:00

Habang naghihintay ng susunod na VR, nabasa ko ito from Macky's blog. Naaalala ko lang bigla yung finals namin sa Theology class (Marriage and Family life) about the characteristics of our ideal guy. So ayun, inuunkat ko yung utak ko at try kong tandaan ang mga pinagsusulat ko dun... Hmmmm

1. He won't mind holding my sweaty hands (pasmado kasi ako)
2. maalagain pero hindi ako i-baby.
3. yung tuturuan akong maging matapang
4. may sariling pag-iisip at ambition sa buhay
5. mabait at loyal dapat
6. tanggap ang kabaliwan ko
7. tahimik pero kalog kasama
8. hindi maririndi sa tuwing pag-iyak ko pero yayakapin na lang ako
9. mahilig din dapat magbasa ng books
10. kayang sakyan ang trip ko sa buhay
11. kelangan ma-convince nia akong kumain ng gulay
12. maginoo pero medyo bastos (corny man)
13. slight athletic na magtuturo sa kin to try sports
14. hindi mama's boy
15. supportive lolo
16. hindi magdictate sa kin kung ano dapat isuot, klase ng hairstyle, or dapat gawin sa buhay ko
17. slight seloso
18. yung hindi ako ikakahiyang makasama
19. maka-Diyos
20. dapat may pagka-humanitarian siya
21. mahal niya ako

P.S. this was originally posted in my LJ blog :)

-embracing change-

2008-11-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

"Gurl, daily ka ba?" stint just ended this month as Eric and tin decided that its time for me to try a shifting sked. It's actually pretty cool going to work only every other day except that I have to wake up early. I guess I've been used to waking up at around past 7 when my sked was still 11 am. So what does shifting sked means? ...

1.more time to do personal projects/agenda
2.more time with my family
3.fix other documents
4.i can go to SSS and get my own ID
5.reunite with old friends
6.less time in the office
7.try my hands on other activities/opportunities
8. tipid sa baon (sana)
9. start my studies
10. more time to read books (woot)~

a shifting sked is an inevitable change but its something that i want to experience. It's a welcome change.

The Girl who lived

2008-11-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

While Mayee was washing her tumblers last Friday she asked what were my plans this Halloween and I told her none. Baffled, she asked again if we're not visiting any relatives graves and I told her that my family is going to visit my lolo and lola's graves. Then she narrated that if his younger brother were alive, he could have been 21 years old now. This conversation suddenly made me remember my dead sister. If she were alive, she could have been 24 turning 25 years old next January. Actually, Angelina,(my sister's name) and I were both born on the same year. It's just that she was born January and I was born December. After she died, my mother became pregnant again after two months, hence i was created.

This just makes me wonder, what my sister is like if she was here instead of me. My nanay usually told me that if my sister were alive, I wouldn't probably been created or something. I wondered, what my sister looks like, is she talkative, modest,tall, thin, chubby,kind, friendly? I wondered, if she can make a difference and make this world a little bit better? nope. i'm not wallowing here or having self-pity moments, just plain curious. But i guess there's a reason why I am here instead of her, I believe I'm here because I have a specific role that the universe wants me to fulfill. I am here because I have to make a difference. I am here to touch people's lives. I am here because i was meant to be here.

Welcome Home

2008-11-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, tatay arrived after almost a year of being away from us.Masaya.At the office, there were free food i.e. pancit and ice cream courtesy of the halloween prize.. Woot~ busog.

Impending doom or just me hyperventilating (again). The oral exam on Saturday, which I haven't reviewed yet. Hopefully I'll pass but whatever happens whether I fail or pass, I'm still going to try and try. After the team building we had last weekend, after experiencing it, i really feel strong that anything and everything is possible. I'm starting to believe in myself again. Thank God :)

The Return of the comeback

2008-10-18T02:22:00.000-07:00

for x number of weeks or even months, i didn't play futsal. The regular tuesday and friday rendezvous was put on hold for some reason. Then one email changed all that.. (parang suspense naman ang dating...) It was Jay and JC who volunteered Jerz, Blue and I to organize the game. Of course we were surprised by this and also excited. It was then, we realized how much we miss playing this game and the futsal people. Then after recruitments here and there, sir leo's blasted futsal ad email, and some pangugulit, we were on our way to our first game again since time memorial. While we were playing, running and sweating, I'd realized how much i miss doing this. It was nice to kick some balls, to feel the adrenaline rush, to be out of breath, and to see old friends again.. There's some comfort and a feeling of belongingness in that court While we were playing, it's so natural and comfortable despite the fact that we haven't seen each other for some time. It's as though we didn't really have a long break from futsal... jc was his usual pang-aasar mode... then there's Jay who scares us.. just to steal the ball, road runner, the ever fast and good player, pao who plays like a pro, Jerz whose kicking skills and good defense earns her the title,"great wall" Blue who shot the first goal and earned the title as per JC, praktisado, Jong who wishes for cigarette while playing the game, Ryan “manok” who now uses long socks but still plays great.. lance and that other guy, whom I called shorts for some reason, whose tagged team prowess made them unstoppable..

Of course, there are new faces… harry and his friends, who plays well despite his warning that he is a newbie…. Mandy who carries the ball well, Sir Maenard “leo martinez” who plays futsal barefoot but still manages to steal the ball and shoots goals..

It’s a good thing that futsal is back for good. It gives me an outlet to release the stress especially after a long and tiring day at the office.. It also gave me a chance to be reunited with my friends.. ..

Thank God for futsal. Bow.

Sana bumalik na sina Dex and Jannin para mas masaya.

in the mood for twilight

2008-10-17T04:28:00.000-07:00

Some pix from the upcoming Twilight movie... sana Nov 21 na... :)

edward...

edward and bella...

Twilight Trailer

2008-10-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Mayee... I'm officially addicted to the Twilight series.. here's a sneak preview to the movie...

Thanks to Justine, karlstone and Jessa :D

Common Spanish expressions

2008-10-04T03:15:00.000-07:00

Here's some Spanish words to live by and something you can use someday.. perhaps..

Te odio- i hate you
Te amare- i will love you
Cuidate- take care
Hasta luego- see you later
Adios - goodbye
estoy cansada - im tired
estoy aburido/a - im bored
Que tal? - how are you?
que te pasa - what happened to you?
callate- shut up
quiero que me desee - i want you to like me
me sangre la nariz -nosebleed (favorite ko to')
estoy chupado- it's easy
estoy enfermo/a- i'm sick
lo siento- i'm sorry
Donde vives- where do you live?
Que haces? - what do you do?

en la futuro

2008-10-04T02:53:00.000-07:00

after seeing Pia's blog, I was inspired to do a small write-up on what I've learned from Spanish class every week. In this way, I can also learn and others may also learn (hopefully) from this. So here goes..

For this week.. I'll shared with you, the future tense in Spanish. The easiest way to form a future tense sentence is like this: ir + a + infinitivo. For example, voy a jugar al futsal. Translation:I'm going to play futsal.

Next: you can use the following:
Unlike in present and past tense each infinitivo ending in AR, ER, IR have different conjugations. In the future tense, verbs ending in AR, ER, IR have the same conjugation and you don't need to remove the ar, er and ir at the end, so just need to add these:

-e (yo)
-as (tu)
-a (el, ella, usted)
-emos (nosotros)
-eis (vosotros)
-an (ellos/ellas, ustedes)

For example:
hablar (to speak)
yo hablare
tu hablaras
el/ella/vtd hablara
nosotros hablaremos
vosotros hablareis
ellos/ellas/vtds hablaran

But remember this form of future tense is used to express probability and of course future action.

Here are other examples:

Creo que comere comida basura. (I think i will eat street food)
a mi me parece que leere el libro. (I think i will read a book)
Escribiremos una carta. (We will write a letter)
Beberas la agua (you will drink water)

espero que le aprenderas.

Adios~

Feel-ing:

Scenes after Cine europa

2008-10-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

Dahil ngarag at bangege ako, hindi ko muna ikwekwento ang istorya sa likod ng mga larawang ito. Ang masasabi ko lang masaya ako ng araw na ito kahit pa man ang dahilan ng aming pagkikita kita ay malungkot.

Updated Oct 4

Dahil hindi na ako bangenge at ngarag, magkwekwento na ako:)
Hmmm pano ba sisimulan...
The reunion Si ruth ang nakaisip ng magkita kita kaming mga "kulto" para magbonding at manood na rin ng Cine Europa. Kahit pa man lima lang kaming nagkita-kita, masaya pa din yung kamustahan, yung mga misadventures sa buhay atbp..
pekeng ticket Dahil isang ticket kada tao sa cine europa , late sina pia at kate at 4:30 pa labasan ni ruth sa office, ginamit ni shella ang kanyang creative powers para kulayan ang isang ticket para kay ruth...
ako si basya ayan lang naman ang dineklara ni ruth. babala din niya wag daw kakain sa may Dencios in Ayala Heights. Baka daw ma-Maja.
matibay na samahan Siguro kahit na hindi kami parehong group of friends nung college, masasabi ko na magkakaibigan kami at andito kami para sa isa't isa. Gaya nga ng sabi ni kate, "ang galing noh, kahit graduate na tayo andito pa din tayo para sa isa't isa.."

introducing: Sheep Family

2008-09-28T00:47:00.000-07:00

you know how groups of friends create a label or name to their barkada.. well.. back in college my friends and i called our barkada as the Sheep Family.

i'm not really sure who and how we thought of that name.. it just happened! hehee

wow, i really really miss them.. hope i can see them soon :)

Feel-ing:

imaginary lives

2008-09-25T19:50:00.001-07:00

Over lunch yesterday, Jerz asked us to list our “imaginary lives.” Here are some of lives I want to try:

Archaeologist

Baker

Barista

Book Author

Chef

Choir member sa UST singers

Cooking show host

Diver

Dulos worker

Exchange student in Spain or Italy

Feminist na mala-Spivak

Florist

Gymnast

Interior designer

Interpreter/translator sa Ms. Universe

Linguist

Marine biologist

Mathematician (bobo kasi ako sa Math)

Museum worker

Painter

Photographer ng nature

Pilot

Potter

Pre-school teacher

Professor

Roti mum or any coffee and bookshop owner

Singer na may kasamang sikat na banda

Swimmer

Theater actress

Tindera sa palengke

Tourist guide

Travel show host

Travel/food writer

Volunteer sa isang malayong place

WWE Wrestler

Yung nagwork sa may submarine

Zoo keeper

According to her, all these imaginary lives are attainable and it’s not too late to give it a shot. She also said that it’s important to listen to these even though it may sound silly, because these will tell us what we really want to achieve and do in our life.

Feel-ing:

acuerdate de mi

2008-09-18T02:04:00.001-07:00

If you read this journal, even if I don't speak to you often, post a memory of me.

It can be anything you want. It can be good or bad, just so long as it happened. Then post this on your journal.

Be surprised and see what people remember about you. ♥

Kinuha ko kay aki "karren" na kinuha naman kay paula..

Hmmmm

may susulat kaya? ala naman nagbabasa nitong blog ko... hahaha

Feel-ing:

English movies you should not translate in Tagalog

2008-09-18T02:04:00.000-07:00

something to make you really really laugh! got this from email...

1. Black Hawk Down - Ibong Maitim sa Ibaba
2. Dead Man's Chest - Dodo ng Taong Patay
3. I Know What You Did Last Summer - Uyy... Aminin!
4. Love, Actually - Sa Totoo Lang, Pag-ibig
5. Million Dollar Baby - 50 Milyong Pisong Sanggol (depende sa exchange rate)
6. The Blair Witch Project - Ang Proyekto ng Bruhang si Blair
7. Mary Poppins - Si Mariang May Putok
8. Snakes on a Plane - Nag-ahasan sa Ere
9. The Postman Always Rings Twice - Ang Kartero Kapag Dumutdot Laging Dalawang Beses
10. Sum of All Fears - Takot Mo, Takot Ko, Takot Nating Lahat
11. Swordfish - Talakitok
12. Pretty Woman - Ganda ng Lola Mo
13. Robin Hood, Men in Tights - Si Robin Hood at Ang Mga Felix Bakat
14. Four Weddings and a Funeral - Kahit Apat na Beses ka Pang Magpakasal, Mamamatay Ka Rin
15. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - Ako, Ikaw, Kayong Lahat
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone - Adik si Harry, Tumira ng Shabu
17. Click - Isang Pindot Ka Lang
18. Brokeback Mountain - May Nawasak sa Likod ng Bundok ng Tralala/Bumigay sa Bundok
19. The Day of the Dead - Undas
20. Waterworld – Pista ng San Juan
21 . There's Something About Mary - May K'wan sa Ano ni Maria
22. Employee of the Month - Ang Sipsip
23. Resident Evil - Ang Biyenan
24. Kill Bill - Kilitiin sa Bilbil
25. The Grudge - Lintik lang ang Walang Ganti
26. Nightmare Before Christmas - Binangungot sa Noche Buena
27. Never Been Kissed - Pangit Kasi
28. Gone in 60 Seconds - 1 Round Lang, Tulog
29. The Fast and the Furious - Ang Bitin, Galit
30. Too Fast, Too Furious - Kapag Sobrang Bitin, Sobrang Galit
31. Dude, Where's My Car - Dong, Anong Level Ulit Tayo Nag-park?
32. Beauty and the Beast - Ang Asawa ko at ang Nanay Nya
33. The Lord of the Rings - Ang Alahero
34. Die Hard - Hindi Mamatay-matay
35. Die Hard, With A Vengeance - Hindi Na Mamatay-matay, Nag-higanti Pa
36. Lost In Space - Mga Tangang Naligaw sa Kalawakan
37. Paycheck - Sweldo
38. What Lies Beneath - Ang Pagsisinungaling sa Ilalim
39. Superman, The Return - Si Superman Bumalik, Naiwanan Ang Brief
40. Cinderella Man - Bading si Cinderella
41. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Nag-trabaho si Charlie sa Goya
42. Blade Runner - Magnanakaw ng Labaha
43. Schindler's List - Mga May Utang kay Schindler
44. Men In Black - Mga Lalaking Namatayan
45. X-Men, The Last Stand - Mga Dating Lalaki, Huling Tinayuan
46. Wedding Crashers - Mga Bwiset sa Kasal
47. The Day After Tomorrow - Sa Makalawa
48. Three Men and a Baby - Ang Tatlong Yayo
49. Catch Me If You Can - Habulin Mo 'Ko
50. A Bug's Life - Ang Buhay ng Isang Surot
51. Die Another Day - Mamatay Ka Uli Bukas
52. The Rock - Ang Shabu
53. Jaws - Panga
54. Back to the Future - Sa Likod ng Hinaharap
55. In the Line of Fire - Tumulay ka sa Alambreng may Apoy
56. Saturday Night Fever - Sabado ng Gabi, may Trangkaso
57. Stepmom - Tapakan si Inang
58. Brother Bear - Kuya Oso
59. Police Academy - Paaralan ng Mga Buwaya
60. The English Patient - Ang Pasyenteng Inglesera
61. Man on Fire - Nasusunog na Mama
62. The Horse Whisperer - Ang Tsismoso ng mga Kabayo
63. Dante's Peak - Ang Bumbunan ni Dante
64. Legends of the Fall - Ang Kasaysayan ng mga Lampa
65. The Forgotten - Ewan

Feel-ing:

The culture of reading--> not really a dying breed

2008-09-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Kahit pa man maulan (sa bandang Kalaw) at mainit (sa banding Buendia) ay tinuloy pa din naming ni Shella ang pagpunta sa 29th Manila International Book Fair sa may SMX Convention Center. Ikalawang taon na namin pumunta dun. Asteeg kasi~ daming libro, daming tao, daming manunulat at mambabasa. Siguro para din siyang pagtitipon ng mga Pinoy na may hilig sa pagbabasa. Maraming bookstores ang sumali ngayon taon andyan ang Anvil, Goodwill, A Different Bookstore, Bookmark, C& E Publishing, OMF, National Bookstore at Powerbooks.

Last year, sa sobrang excited ko kung ano yung makitang book hala bili na pero ngayon taon naghinay-hinay ako. Umikot muna kami ni Shella tas tinimbang kung sulit ba yung book na nakita namin. Heto ang mga librong nabili ko:

Kaluluwa by J Neil Garcia (favorite ko to, asteeg ng mga tula )

Jolography by Paolo Manalo (medyo nagsisi ako na binili ko to for P250.. haay)

Master and Margarita

LadLad 2 by J Neil Garcia

Prose and Poems of Nick Joaquin

Hindi ko na maalala yung iba… kelangan ko na talagang mag-Vitamin B.

Nakakatuwa na may mga ganitong event kasi nakakatulong ito upang in “instill” ang hilig sa pagbabasa sa kabataan. Gaya nga ng nabanggit ko para tong pagtitipon ng mga mambabasa ng iba’t ibang edad at estado sa buhay. Patuloy nitong binubuhay ang imahinasyon at ang kultura ng pagbabasa na sinasabing unti unti ng namamatay.

Maraming yaman dala ang bawat aklat at libro. Ang pagbabasa ay isang uri ng paglalakbay tungo sa pagtuklas sa significant human experience sa buhay ng na sinulat ng isang tao sa ibang panahon at lugar pero can relate pa din tayo :)

Heto souvenir photo:

Feel-ing:

Cine Europa Sked

2008-09-09T03:40:00.000-07:00

11 September - 21 September at the Shang Cineplex of Shangri-La Plaza Mall

Film Sked

SEPT. 11 (THURSDAY)

Love Songs (1:35) 7:00 PM

SEPT. 12 (FRIDAY)

When the tide comes in (1:33) 12:00 PM
Children of the Moon (1:27) 2:30 PM
After The Wedding (2:00)) 5:00 PM
Hands Off Mississipi (1:38) 7:30 PM
Colorado avenue (2:00) 10:00 PM

SEPT. 13 (SATURDAY)

Un Franco, 14 Pesetas (1:45) 12:00 PM
Chemical Hunger (1:37) 2:45 PM
100 Steps (I Cento Passi) (1:54)4:45 PM
Latebloomer (Die Herbstzeitlosen) (1:26) 7:30 PM
Vitus (2:00) 10:00 PM

SEPT. 14 (SUNDAY)

The Paper Will Be Blue (2:00) 12:00 PM
Children of the Moon (1:27) 2:30 PM
And When Did You Last See Your Father (1:32) 5:00 PM
Mozart In China (1:30) 7:30 PM
Night Run (Nachtrit) (1:30) 9:30 PM

SEPT. 15 (MONDAY)

Hands Off Mississipi (1:38) 12:00 PM
Beauty In Trouble (1:50) 2:30 PM
After The Wedding (2:00) 5:00 PM
Children of the Moon (1:27) 7:30 PM
Love Songs (1:35) 9:30 PM

SEPT. 16 (TUESDAY)
Un Franco, 14 Pesetas (1:45) 12:00 PM
Chemical Hunger (1:37) 2:15 PM
100 Steps (I Cento Passi) (1:54) 4:45 PM
Night Run (Nachtrit) (1:30) 7:30 PM
Mozart In China (1:30) 9:30 PM

SEPT. 17 (WEDNESDAY)
The Paper Will Be Blue (2:00) 12:00 PM
Colorado Avenue (2:00) 2:30 PM
And When Did You Last See Your Father? (1:32) 5:00 PM
Latebloomer (Die Herbstzeitlosen) (1:26) 7:30 PM
Vitus (2:00)9:30 PM

SEPT. 18 (THURSDAY)
Love Songs (1:35) 12:00 PM
After The Wedding (2:00) 2:30 PM
Hands Off Mississipi (1:38) 5:00 PM
Beauty In Trouble (1:50) 7:30 PM
Un Franco, 14 Pesetas (1:45) 10:00 PM

SEPT. 19 (FRIDAY)

Chemical Hunger (1:37)12:00 PM
100 Steps (I Cento Passi) (1:54)2:30 PM
Night Run (Nachtrit) (1:30)5:00 PM
The Paper Will Be Blue (2:00)7:30 PM
Colorado Avenue (2:00) 10:00 PM

SEPT. 20 (SATURDAY)

And When Did You Last See Your Father? (1:32)12:00 PM
Children of the Moon (1:27)2:30 PM
After the Wedding (2:00)4:30 PM
Beauty in Trouble (1:38)7:00 PM
Love Songs (1:35) 9:30 PM

SEPT. 21 (SUNDAY)
Un Franco, 14 Pesetas (1:45)12:00 PM
Chemical Hunger (1:37)2:15 PM
100 Steps (I Cento Passi) (1:54) 4:45 PM
Night Run (Nachtrit) (1:30)7:30 PM
Colorado Avenue (2:00)9:30 PM

Tara :)

Feel-ing:

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou

2008-09-08T04:55:00.000-07:00

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Feel-ing:

September blues

2008-09-06T01:09:00.000-07:00

Q4 came with a sudden pang of realization that it’s the last quarter of the year and yet I haven’t achieved much of the goals I set out for 2008. Some of these goals are:

gradschool (which I’m not really motivated to do anymore)

save money

buy this and that

etcetera etcetera

If there’s one thing that I can say my biggest achievement for this year, it would be the Gawad Kalinga build I participated last June 30. This is something that I really want to do and still want to do, if workload and boss permits. It’s really a transforming experience and it feels great to be able to help and make a difference in other people’s lives. Here are some pictures:

My teammates and I used to joke about this year being “the year” to finally tengo a chuva but I guess that’s something not in store for me at least for now… or maybe it eluded me when I wasn’t looking…

And since I don’t want to end this entry pessimistically, I’ll say four months is still 120 plus days and it’s not too late to still do my plans for this year….

Feel-ing:

something to do while auto-submitting on a weekend

2008-09-06T01:08:00.001-07:00

You Are Macaroni and Cheese

Compared to most people, you are quite playful. You are a big kid at heart.

It doesn't take much to make you happy. You live for simple, happy moments.

You are very content. You don't try to make life overly complicated.

You remain thankful for whatever you have. Even if it isn't much, you make the best of things.

What Pasta Dish Are You?

Feel-ing:

Cutting the topaks away

2008-08-30T03:18:00.000-07:00

This week has been the most topak-in time in my life...for some reason i've felt my emotions fluctuating from good to bad to bad to good. parang roller coaster ride. I initially thought it must be the hormones. But NOOO! a lo mejor it was cause by a feeling of dissatisfaction or discontentment to where I am right now(in my life that is). Honestly, I don't really know why I felt like this or what triggered this in the first place?

and for that reason, I decided to finally had my hair cut. I guess by cutting my hair, it'll just cut off these whirpool of emotions. Hair is memory, like Merlinda Bobis said in her novel. So chop chop hair... bye bye topaks!

But whatever it is I'm going thru, I know I need to pull myself up and grin at my shortcomings. I have to rise above and I know I will with God's help of course and with the help I'm getting from my true friends.

Feel-ing:

Sa birthday ko.....

2008-08-30T01:09:00.000-07:00

Ito ang gusto kong puntahan.... tara! :-)

Feel-ing:

29th Manila International Book Fair

2008-08-27T04:04:00.000-07:00

Feel-ing:

I am a Chocalate

2008-08-26T04:13:00.000-07:00

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly.

You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality.

People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

Feel-ing:

Note to Self

2008-08-26T03:11:00.000-07:00

The bridge I must be
Is the bridge to my own power
I must translate
My own fears
Mediate
My own weaknesses

I must be the bridge to nowhere
But my true self
And then
I will be useful

~ from Donna Kate Rushin, The Bridge Poem

Feel-ing:

My Personality @........35,000 feet

2008-08-26T00:35:00.000-07:00

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking.

You don't spend much time thinking about your place in the world. You are who you are - and people can just deal with that!

Your gift is having a way with words. You know how to express yourself well.

You are inspired by what is possible. Real life is often too ordinary for you.

It's very easy for you to feel happy. You can find peace with any situation.

The Personality Test at 35,000 Feet

Feel-ing:

My own gift from the sea

2008-08-25T03:15:00.000-07:00

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few...

Re-reading Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift from the Sea for the second time makes me see things that I've not seen when I first read the book. It also made me think that this book is more applicable in my life than ever. One of the takeaways I got from the book is the "shedding of one's shell" or simplifying one's life. It seems simple to say, "I'm going to simplify my life" now but just like everything else, putting it into practice would be the hardest part. This reminded me of Henry David Thoreau's words, "Suck out the marrow of life. Simplify! simplify!"

I agree with her that in one's search to fill in the 'gap' or void of the soul, we desperately fill our lives with distractions aka unnecessary activities. Such activities are not really bad per se but it just clutters our heads, takes our time but never provides an avenue for self-actualization.

But what really clutters my head? my soul? Is it my work? my overflowing heart's desires, unrealized dreams? people whom I revolved my world around? extra-curricular activities? Why do I feel empty when I have so much in life? Why do I need to feel to be loved when there's so much love around me?

I don't have the answers to those yet.. I'm still on the journey on finding myself, of trying to understand my life, of finding my soul, my voice, my being. I remembered when I was somewhere in Tappan park, I told my companion that I'm going to walk maybe, makita ko ang sarili ko After treading the dark path, my companion asked, "o ano nakita mo na ba ang sarili mo?" Sadly, no. But I discoverd that I'm desperately looking for myself and that I'm still the woman-who-is-seraching-for-herself persona that I was three years ago.

I'm hopeful that one day, I'll be a complete and whole person as soon as I fill this big void here in my soul. I also hope to keep the stillness of the axis of my life in spite of distractions, in spite of shortcomings.

I'll begin the journey here and now. My first step would be reflection and time alone to think. After which comes shedding, I'll remove anything/anyone cluttering my life. Value only the essential people/things in my life. Prayer to God. In all else, He is our one true light.

God, Help me.

Feel-ing:

For you who never write back

2008-08-25T03:04:00.001-07:00

If you still kept the paper I gave you, happens to stumble upon this blog post and probably remembers me... well just drop me a simple note...

Feel-ing:

Pasalubong ni Ord (at kung bakit tinotopak ako)

2008-08-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

Monday. Holiday pero andito ako sa office. Monday, ayun ke Dilbert ay, "not part of the productive week" pero mali eh andaming ginagawa ngayon dito.Hay.
Hindi magandang araw. Naligaw sa Cubao.Katangahan.Hindi binasa ang sinakyang Jeep.Napa-taxi tuloy. TSUG!

Inis.

Pasalubong ni Ord. 4 na libro.ansaya-saya. Naiiyak ako sa tuwa. Binilhan ako ng:

A natural history of love
An Alchemy of the mind
Ariel
Darkly Dreaming Dexter

Masaya.
Ito si Ord ang mabuting tao nagpasalubong sa amin.. salamat!

Feel-ing:

A different world of palate

2008-08-24T20:05:00.000-07:00

It’s a rare event for my Spanish classmates and I (especially Jpaul who always rushes to go home) to eat lunch together after class. So last last Saturday (9th session), with Nivel 1 classmates (Dona, Boni and Jpaul) and Cha (nivel 3-present classmate) we venture the streets of Manila to find a resto that’s not only delicious but also quantitative (ang technical pero ang gusto ko lang sabihn ay marami). Jpaul suggested this Mediterranean resto where we’re the only Filipinos who’s eating there.

We walked along the supposedly shortcut from Instituto to Rob Malate then finally after 30 mins of walking non-stop, we reach this green resto, aka “SHAWARMA_____CENTER”. (I forgot the complete name.hehehe).True enough, we’re the only Filipinos eating there since everybody except the staff are Middle eastern.

The ambiance of the resto is nice except for the second-hand smoke I’m getting from those Middle eastern guys. Apparently smoking is allowed inside an airconditioned place. It could’ve been okay if they’re just smoking local and ordinary size cigarettes BUT NOOO, they’re using this big tube (like a big Aladin’s lamp) or pipe that just puff lung-killing smokes.

I like the Mediterranean feel, the colorful lamps, the chairs and the lively designs. I was a bit nervous eating there since I haven’t eaten in those kind of restaurants and I’m not sure if my palate is going to love Mediterranean food. It’s just that I don’t want to waste money over some food that I can’t eat. So I played it safe, I choose (based from the menu with pics) the one that has chicken and rice. It seems palatable.

When our orders arrived, I was surprised to find a big bowl (parang caserola) with this half-size chicken. (andami pla nia) I didn’t expect it to be this many. The food tasted like chicken curry. It’s delicious but not enough to make me cry. (like Sonja’s cupcake). I like the Fita bread that Dona and Cha ordered. We also ordered a milky tea (forgot the name!) which I didn’t drink because it smells like ginger and I don’t drink tea.

While we were eating, Jpaul mentioned that in Asia, Philippines is the only country who don’t use a lot of spices in its cuisine. Probably, he was right. Most Filipino dishes are sweet, for example Spaghetti. Even Macany (GK volunteer from Taiwan) made a comment that why it is that most Filipino food are so sweet.

The food trip down Mabini St definitely reminds me that there many tastes of food that my palate still needs to explore.

Feel-ing:

Notes on "Notes on a Scandal"

2008-08-15T01:58:00.001-07:00

You're barking, fucking mad. You don't know how to love. You have never, your whole life. Me, Jennifer Dodd. You're nothing but waste and disappointment! You bitter old virgin. You're lonely for a reason. They loathed you at school, all of them. I was the idiot who bothered, but only because no one told me you're a fucking vampire! So what is it, Bar? You want to roll around the floor like lovers? You want to fuck me, Barbara? --Sheba Hart

Finally I had the chance to see the movie, Notes on a Scandalwhich starred Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett. The story revolves around Sheba, an art teacher (Blanchett) who had an affair with one of her 15-year old students and Barbara, an old and lonely teacher who befriended Sheba and later blackmailed her as she discovers the affair of Sheba.

This movie delves on the issue of not only family life but also lesbian themes but more than that it’s a story of two lonely women trap in a convention-driven society.

The Different faces

Barbara: The walking irony

A spinster who wears this façade of a strong and happy woman but deep inside, her bitterness and loneliness is slowly eating her up. She lives all alone in her house and keeps a diary where she kept all her secrets and gold stars. People trust me with their secrets. But who do I trust with mine? You, only you.

Like everyone else in this planet, Barbara wants to connect and longs to be with someone. She wants to be found by her soul mate and to realize that maybe her days won’t be as lonely as it was now. When she met Sheba, she knew right then and there that she’s the one she waited for her whole life. Perhaps, it was Sheba’s mysterious personality that attracted Barbara to her. People like Sheba think they know what it is to be lonely. But of the drip, drip of the long-haul, no-end-in-sight solitude, they know nothing. What it's like to construct an entire weekend around a visit to the launderette. Or to be so chronically untouched that the accidental brush of a bus conductor's hand sends a jolt of longing straight to your groin. Of this, Sheba and her like have no clue.

She capitalized on her knowledge of Sheba’s affair and she promised to keep it as a secret as long Sheba will value her more than Sheba values her family. She honestly thought that she and Sheba had a deep connection. But when she discovered that Sheba is still having an affair with Steven and that she rather be with her family than comfort her when her cat died, she knew then that it’s payback time.

Her perception of Sheba’s family and problematic marriage life made her think that she’s going to be Sheba’s oasis or savior in a sense that she’s going to free Sheba from these shackles.

Sheba: The woman who trangressed

Devoted mother and wife. Married her professor who is, 20 years her senior. She’s trying to cope up with the demands of having a child with Down syndrome and other family needs. She decided to teach not only to have a “break” from her monotonous life but also to find herself once again.

Like Barbara, Sheba felt lonely and burdened by her family and marriage. She found solace and escape in Steven, her 15-year old student. Though, she’s aware that having a relationship with her student is “ridiculous and immoral” she let it happened in the belief that she’s “entitled” to do that. This is going to sound sick, but something in me felt... entitled. You know, I've been good all my adult life. I've been a decent wife, a dutiful mother coping with Ben. This voice inside me kept saying "why shouldn't you be bad, why shouldn't you transgress? I mean, you've earned the right."

She likened Barbra of that of a vampire because she (Bar) just really sucked people's energies and emotions by being too clingy and possessive.

If there’s one thing both these women are alike it would be they’re both lonely and are searching for something to fill in the gap in their lives. Barbara was looking for a companion or a friend as she would label it. On the other hand, Sheba was looking for meaning, for her self.

Feel-ing:

A visit in Middle earth

2008-08-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

Tatay visited auntie elvie and family in NZ last Aug 3. Napadpad kasi dun yung barko nila. Rey told me that they eat in an Italian resto with tatay and they went inside the ship. I wonder when can I also go to middle earth or even see the workplace of tatay. (yung barko). Here's some pictures:

Tatay,Auntie Elvie and Tito Allan Asan na yung fud?

tito allan, Tatay and rey

Feel-ing:

Wake Up Call

2008-08-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

Here's the inspiring speech of Butch Jimenez during the 2003 UP Commencement Exercise.. .. really really love this!

What's better than?

As graduates, you are just about to set sail into the real world. As you prepare for the battleground of life, you will hear many speeches, read tons of books, and get miles of advice telling you to work hard, dream big, go out and do something for yourself, and have a vision.

Not bad advice, really. In fact, following those nuggets of truth may just bring you to the top. But over the years, I have come to realize that it is great to dream big, have a vision, make a name, and work hard. But, guess what, THERE’S SOMETHING BETTER THAN THAT.

So my message today simply asks the question, What’s better than…?

Let us start off with something real simple. What’s better than a long speech? No doubt, a short one. So, you guys are in luck because I do intend to keep this short.

Now, let me take you through a very simple math exam. I will rattle off a couple of equations, and you tell me what you observe about them. Be mindful of the instructions. You are to tell me what you OBSERVE about the equations. Here goes:

3+4=7, 9+2=11, 8+4=13, and 6+6=12. Tell me, what do you observe.

Every time I conduct this test, more than 90 percent of the participants immediately say 8+4 is not 13 it is 12!

That is true and they are correct. But they could have also observed that the 3 other equations are right. That 3+4 is 7, that 9+2 is 11, and that 6+6 is 12.

What is my point? Many people immediately focus on the negative instead of the positive. Most of us focus on what is wrong with people more than what is right about them. Examine those 4 equations. 3 are right and only one is wrong. But what is the knee jerk observation? The wrong equation.

If people you did not know were to walk through that door, most of you would describe these people by what is negative about them. He’s fat. He’s balding. Oh, the short one. Oh the skinny girl. Ahhh, yung pango. Etc, etc, etc. Get the point?

You will definitely experience this in the corporate world. You do a hundred good things and make one mistake. Guess what, chances are, your attention will be called on that one mistake.

So what is better than focusing on the negative? Believe me, it is focusing on the positive more than the negative. You do that, and this world would be a much nicer place to live in.

What’s Better than Working Hard?
We have always been told to work hard. Our parents say that, our teachers say that, and our principal says that. But there is something better than merely working hard. It is working smart. It is taking time to understand the situation, and coming out with an effective and efficient solution to get more done with less time and effort. As the Japanese say, “There’s always a better way.”

What’s Better than Dreaming Big
I will bet my next month’s salary that many have encouraged you to DREAM BIG. Maybe even to reach for the stars and aim high. I sure heard that about a million times right before I graduated from this university. So I did. I did dream big. I did aim high. I did reach for the stars. There is no doubt it works. In fact, the saying is true: “If you aim for nothing, that is exactly what you will hit…nothing.”

But there’s something better than dreaming big. Believe me, I was shocked myself. And I learned it from the biggest dreamer of all time, Walt Disney.

When it comes to dreaming big, Walt is the man. No bigger dreams were fulfilled than his. Every leadership book describes him as the ultimate dreamer. In fact, the principle of dreaming and achieving is the core message of the Disney hit song, “When You Wish Upon A Star.”

“When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are; anything your heart desires will come to you. If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme. When you wish upon a star, as dreamers do.” – Jiminy Cricket.

But is that what he preached in the Disney Company? Dream? Well, not exactly. Kinda, but not quite. The problem with dreaming is if that is all you do, you get nowhere. In fact you may just fall asleep and never wake up.

The secret to Disney’s success is not just dreaming, it is IMAGINEERING.

You will not find this word in a dictionary. It is purely Disney word. Those that engage in imagineering are called imagineers. The word combines the word imagination with engineering.

In the book, “Imagineers”, Disney’s CEO, Michael Eisner claims that “Imagineers turn impossible dreams into real magic.” Walt Disney explains that there is really no secret to their approach. They just keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because they are curious. And it is this curiosity that leads them down new paths. They always dream, explore, and experiment. In short, IMAGINEERING is the blending of creative imagination and technical know-how.

Eisner expounds on this thought by saying that “not only are imagineers curious, they are courageous, outrageous, and their creativity is contagious.”

The difference with imagineers is that they dream and then they DO! So do not just be a dreamer, be an imagineer.

What’s Better than a Vision?
You must all have been given a lecture at one time or another about the importance of having a vision. Even leadership expert, John Maxwell, says that an indispensable quality of a leader is to have a vision. The Bible also makes it very clear: “Without vision, people perish.” So, no doubt about it, having a vision is important to success.

But surprise! There’s something more potent that a vision… it is a CAUSE. If all you are doing is trying to reach your vision and you are pitted against someone fighting for a cause, chances are you will lose.

The Vietnam War is a classic example. Literally with sticks and stones, the Viet Cong beat the heavily armed US Army, primarily because the US had a vision to win the war but the Vietnamese were fighting for a cause.

Jesus had a rag tag “army” of 12 disciples against the pagan gods of the mighty Roman Empire. But they were able to turn the world around towards Christianity. How? They just did not have a vision to spread their faith; they were truly fighting for a cause.

In the realm of business, Sony founder Akio Morita did not just have a vision to build the biggest electronics company in the world. Read his biography, “Made in Japan.” He was fighting for a cause, and his cause was to help rebuild his country battered by a war. His vision to be an electronics giant was secondary.

So what’s the difference between a vision and a cause? The following

Vision
No one is willing to die for a vision You posses a vision
A vision lies in your hands
A vision involves sacrifice Cause

Cause
People will die for a cause
A cause possesses you
A cause lies in your heart
A cause involves the ultimate sacrifice

A Final Review
• What’s better than focusing on the negative? Focus on the positive.
• What’s better than working hard? It is working smart.
• What’s better than dreaming? Imagineering.
• What’s better than a vision? A cause.
• What’s better than a long speech? Definitely, a short one.

2 final points:

- “To whom much is given, much is required.”
- “There is no destination beyond the reach of one who talks with God.”

Feel-ing:

Across the Universe

2008-07-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open views inviting and inciting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

*photo taken from the Mellon collie album...

Feel-ing:

Question

2008-07-27T04:01:00.001-07:00

Where do sadness come from? Why do people feel sad? what triggers their sadness? Is melancholy as fleeting as happiness? ....

Shakespeare is (perhaps) dead

2008-07-27T01:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning: Shakespeare jumped off the creek in front of our house. Shakespeare who is more than 10 years old and 80% blind accidentally fell in the creek. Everyone was trying to help him and pull him out of there. But the thing is, no one wants to carry a scarred (galisin) dog. We tried to tell Shakespeare to grab the long stick so we can pull him up but since he's blind he didn't see the stick. He ran off to the other side of the creek and returned at night. We can hear him barking but we can't do anything. Then, it rained so hard that night so we're assuming that the currents washed him away. :((

Today,nanay said in verbatim ito, "hindi na kita kilala.." which really surprised me. She said I spent most of my time in the office that we often don't see each other anymore. She even suspects that may be I have a "boyfriend" that I'm hiding. What can I say? I certainly did change but it doesn't mean that I'm doing something bad or whatever. And for the record, I DON'T HAVE a BOYFRIEND!! If I have a Bf, I'd probably not hide it.. I'm 23.. so what's there to hide? I mean I'm in the right age.. haay.. LONG SIGHS.. I guess I just want to spread my wings. I'd like to stay in the office and work so I won't have time to really "think and contemplate" things cause it's just makes me really really sad. I want to be so tired that when I reach home, I'm going to sleep well. I don't want to have a time for thinking things over and over. Or maybe I just want to escape this inescapble melancholy... I dont really know. I guess they (my parents) just have to trust me..I'll be okay....

... this will pass right?

Thought Balloon

2008-07-23T04:28:00.000-07:00

After a year, the picture still tells the same tale...

My New Work Cave

2008-07-12T00:54:00.001-07:00

Here's my new cubie at the 15th floor...

and my tag:

Welcome.. welcome... i miss 14th..

New Space

2008-07-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

After I went back from GK, I received an email about our new cube assignments on the 15th floor. I was really surprised to find out that we were transferring the following week since there wasn't any formal announcement of sorts. I had an idea of this plan since it was mentioned during our meeting last May. But at that time it was just really a "plan" and no one had really confirm it. I also thought that the transfer will happen very very soon and not asap that's why I was really shocked.

Personally I want and don't want to transfer because of the ff reasons:

Pro Transfer:
-bigger cubes, more space
-private and very quiet (as opposed to the open cube on the 14th flr)
-you can sleep during work hours without people seeing you
-you can do any sitting position
-it's not that cold
-you can think clearly and work effectively since there are no distractions
-near manangskie
-there's a transfer elevator nearby
-few people using the comfort room (CR)

Con Transfer:
-the wonderful people and other personal agenda (hahaha)
-i'm used to the 14th floor working environment
-it's much easier to go to the "sources" if you have any question
-it's much easier to communicate to your teammates since you can see one another
- no chika tym
-claustrophobic at first sitting (coz of big cubies)
-during events we don't have to go anywhere because all events happen in our area
- no BORACAY room
-pantry juices (the juice and coffee are way sweeter than that of 14th's)
-no Ms Claire and her chocolates at the 15th floor

Changes happen so fast and for a very good reason. I'm sure that I can get use to this new space and environment we have here but I'll definitely miss our old floor and the people there. I just hope they also miss us.. hehehehe

Hablar Español es muy dificil

2008-06-16T04:01:00.000-07:00

June 14. Back to aula ang drama ng ateh mo. Matapos ang isang buwan ng pagiging "idle" sa hindi pag-aaral ng Spanish ayan balik IC ulit ako bilang isang nivel seis na estudyante. Medyo venga kasi nag-skip ako ng nivel 5 dahil nagbago ang curriculum kaso nga lang hindi lang nivel ko tumaas kundi pati ang aking matricula.

Madaming pagbabago ang nangyayari--isa na diyan yung sked na 9-12 (mula sa pagiging 1-4 dati), panibagong mga kaklase, pakikisama at bagong professor.

Dahil First day, ayan na naman ang introduce yourself chenes na sobrang nahirapan ako dahil hindi ko na maalala ang preterito indefinido at perfecto. tsk. ayan kaya noong tinanong QUE HAS HECHO? tsug. sabog di na makasagot. Hay. Pati media noche nalimutan ko na. Hay ayan hindi kasi nag-aaral eh. On positive light(ayan gud news), naiintindihan ko naman halos yung sinasabi ng professor ko at mga kaklase ko.. hehehe

Dahil sa pangyayaring ito, naisip ko na dapat seryosohin ang pag-aaral nito, like mag-review naman bago pumasok o manood o makinig ng mga bagay bagay na related sa spanish. hay. sana maging maayus naman ang lahat...

French Spring festival in Manila

2008-06-16T03:53:00.000-07:00

Here's to hoping I could watch at least one movie...

Literary Travel

2008-05-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Mayee and I have this plan or dream (called it wishful thinking as you may) of doing a sort of literary travel where we'll go to different bookstores around the world. This idea came about when Mayee pop links of uniquely-designed bookstores. Here are some of them from Coolhunter:

This is the Selexyz Dominicanen, a bookstore built inside an old church in Maastricht, Netherlands. Marx + Girod are the creators of this masterpiece. I imagine me and Mayee walking through the corridors of this bookstore looking for books until our feets give up.

Another bookstore we want to visit is El Ateneo located in Buenos Aires, Argentina. This bookstore is built inside a former theater place. Asteeg! Here's some photos:

Wouldn't be nice to live like this: reading, traveling and bookshopping all in one adventure: Literay Travel.

Here's to this dream.... THE SECRET!!

Starting over (again)

2008-05-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

From TEMP to C then finally just plain PH

I am now officially a Trender. woot! Woot!

I am happy and anxious

I am thankful to God for answering my prayers

I am grateful to the people who made this possible.

I am hoping that I can do all the tasks, responsibilities and duties the job entails

I am taking this opportunity as a big challenge

I am glad that I stick around for awhile (one and half year to be exact)

My whole Trend life before yesterday can be summarized to these words by Alexander Dumas: WAIT and HOPE

Time Travel in another past chapter

2008-05-30T02:49:00.000-07:00

Letting go has always been difficult for me. I clasp things in my hand like my whole existence depends on it. I hold onto them like letting go would mean death. This has always been the case for me.

Case at point: Teaching Korean students on a part-time basis from (7:15-10:15) after a full time job (9:00-6:00) could be really tiresome. Though my body is about to give in, I choose not to resign. I choose to stay. Why? I love my students dearly despite everyday’s quarrels and tantrums, despite them almost destroying my eardrums (when they shout) and despite me crying over them about life’s miseries. (Which at 12, they couldn’t get).

And also there’s also the I-don’t-wanna-leave-because-of-my-friends factor. Friends are rare gifts so I really value them. Working there for the past one and half year, I’ve gained many friends. I got reunited also with my college friends: Emili, Easter and Chrizelda. So it’s really hard to leave. Plus, I’m happy so why leave? (I thought back then)

But something happened last November that forces me to leave that place. Deep inside I’m not really ready to depart but Fate decided otherwise. I cried when I found out about it. I was thinking of my students that I will leave behind. Who would take care of them now?

Days and months past and without thinking, I realized that I’ve moved on. I still think of my students, the whole teaching routine, the office and my colleagues there from time to time. But I had to move on. I had to move forward.

I left the company last Nov 30 but I suddenly remembered it because my friend Easter is undergoing the same thing. She’s about to leave Waw and she expressed how sad she feels about it. I could relate to her.

Letting go has always been difficult for me. I clasp things in my hand like my whole existence depends on it. I hold onto them like letting go would mean death. This has always been the case for me. And will still be the case.

+aro+ reading

2008-05-22T04:02:00.000-07:00

This is my daily tarot for today courtesy of Astrology.com
this is just what I need: something to anchor on (at this point)

somewhere between regret, melancholy and acceptance

2008-05-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

expectation resulting to frustrations. how do i tell? how do i begin? call twice for confirmation. in denial. slowly sinking to my head. Where does that leave me? no plan B, C. i'm at lost. thought new life will begin in June. dead wrong. not meant to be. then what's really meant for me? --failure? thought this is my YEAR. dead wrong. again. always. how do i explain to myself, to my parents. quite expectant. it's not easy. accept. deny. sorry. disappointments. headed nowhere. mother is right. nothing's happening in my life. stuck. stuck. nothing is darker than my future. exaggeration? i guess not. one failure after another. all life's aspects. Can God at least give me something I coud be really happy about? Am i lesser person now that I failed? failed at everything. wasn't good at anything at all. where should i go? where am i now headed? dead end.

Know Thyself via tagging

2008-05-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

I've never been tagged in my blog life until this day.... thanks Jerz :)

So, here goes nothing...

1.What is your occupation? Technical marketing eklaboo
2. What color are your socks right now? I’m wearing sandals now so no socks for me
3. What are you listening to right now? Always be my baby –David cook
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Roti mum
5. Can you drive a stick shift? What is stick shift?
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Right now, I’d be blue
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My father
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Muchisimo!
9. Favorite drink? Melon shake or anything with chocolates
10. What is your favorite sport to watch? football/futsal
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? No, though I’ve been thinking about it.
12. Pets? askal
13. Favorite food? Spaghetti and roti mum
14. Last movie you watched? Iron Man
15. Favorite Day of the year? New Year
16. What do you do to vent anger? Either cry inside the church or talk to somebody
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? My pots and kitchen set
18. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Im going to go for spring though haven’t experienced it yet
19. Hugs or kisses? Hugs (it’s more intimate than a kiss)
20. What kind of pie? TinaPIE
21. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes I do
22. Who is most likely to respond? Classmates and friends
23. Who is least likely to respond? same as above
24. Living arrangements? I live in my parents house
25. When was the last time you cried? Can’t tell. It’s a secret
26. What is on the floor of your closet? I don’t really know. Haven’t fix it in awhile
27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? I’m still thinking who to tag.
28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending this to? Still thinking…
29. Favorite smell? The smell of roti mum (but if you are referring to scents/perfume: nada, I’m allergic)
30. What inspires you? Different things inspire me.
31. What are you afraid of? A lot of things mostly rejection and failure
32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese na lang…
33. Favorite car? Cocheng kuba34. Favorite cat breed? I’m not a huge fan of cats (allergies)
35. Number of keys on your key ring? I don’t have any
36. How many years at your current job? One year
37. Favorite day of the week? Friday
38. How many provinces have you lived in? wala pa
39. How many countries have you been to? Will happen…. Near future

will tag Donabel, Cha and Jimmy...

Gradskul

2008-05-06T01:53:00.000-07:00

I never thought that fixing graduate school requirements will be sooo 'toxic'. There are just so many things to do: getting a copy of your TOR, look for professors who will do the recommendation letters, xerox this and that, go to former school, deal with menopausal staff and do the recommendation letters yourself.(and I'm not even in gradskul yet.. .. GRRR)

Even though the whole experience is time-consuming and tiresome, I felt glad (in some ways) because fixing these help me reconnect to a certain part in my past: college days. It also awaken my interest to study again by just meeting my professors.

another chapter begins.... (that's if i pass my admission exam.. hehehe)

Ulan

2008-05-03T00:30:00.000-07:00

Nakakainggit panoorin ang mga batang masayang naglalaro at naliligo sa ulan, walang pakialam sa dumi ng tubig (sabi kasi nila ang ulan daw galing sa laway ng mga tao or collective saliva) o kung magkakasakit man sila sa pagligo dun. Nakakainggit kasi kebs lang tapos ang gaan-gaan ng mundo para sa kanila.

Noong bata ako madalas kong pagdasal na sana umulan ng malakas (hindi lang para walang pasok sa school) dahil mahilig akong maligo sa ulan. Gustong-gusto ko nun ilapat ang aking mga paa sa baha, kahit man alam kong marumi yun. Wala lang. Masarap kasi yung pakiramdam na yung agos ng baha dumadaan sa paa mo. Isa pang paborito ko nun ay yung magwalis ng mga dahon nagkalat sa aming bakuran (kunwari may silbi ganyan) atsaka tumapat sa alulud (na malamang madumi) na pawa bang shower ito.

Masaya ako kasi noong isang araw nakaligo ulit ako sa ulan. Grabe, na-miss ko gawin yun. Habang naliligo ako sa ulan feeling ko nawala ang mga problema, worries, concerns ko na tila ba inagos na ng ulan papunta sa kawalan. At higit sa lahat, feeling ko malaya ako, ako'y bata muli.

A book for a rose: Dia del Libro 2008

2008-04-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

Spanish culture is romantic in every sense of the word. It’s flair for romance runs not only on its language but also on its traditions and practices. One of the manifestations of this ‘romantic culture’ is their holiday, Dia del Libro (Book Day). In this unique book fair slash celebration, a buyer gets a red rose for every book purchase.

Last Saturday, I had a chance to experience this culture via Instituto Cervantes, which hosted the Dia del Libro affair. There were many cheap Spanish books on sale. Too bad, I can only understand few Spanish vocab so I didn’t enjoy much of the books being sold there. I only bought three books: Escrito en no, PEN: anthology of short stories and a children’s book (which, I forgot the title). Aside from the open house book sale galore, there were poetry and photography contests, Spanish wine and food and of course, PARTYYY.

Of course this event coincided with the nivel 4 qualifying exams. BOO. This, of course, makes it hard for me to enjoy dia del libro and concentrate on the test. I had to come early to study in the Biblioteca. I saw Boni, Donabel, JPaul, Jimmy and Delilah there. (all seriously studying). My teacher in Spanish keeps on telling us that we should enjoy and not study (BI pala si sir). The test is dificil. Muchisimo. There are four parts of the test: Listening skills, reading comprehension, multiple choice and essay writing. I had difficulty in all parts because I didn’t study at all.

After the test, Dona, Cha, Boni and I bonded and talk about the test (aren’t students do that all the time?) and life. I am happy since this is the first time I sit down with my classmates and listen to their histories/herstories (to think they’ve been my classmate for almost a year now). Personally, I feel a lot closer to them now than before.

There are layers and layers of stories on Dia del libro: the charina-ronnie lazaro’s son collision, endless matchmaking jokes, the real-deal, harry potter, and the simple truth-donabel.

I’m looking forward on the next Dia del libro and hopefully when that time comes, I’m a better Spanish speaker. (crosses fingers here)

Usapang bigas at pag-aasawa

2008-04-09T23:52:00.000-07:00

Matagal-tagal din hindi nakapag-email ang tatay ko sa akin. Kadalasan bawat araw mayroon yun sulat kahit na kakapirangot ang sinasabi, na ,minsan pa't puro mga paalala at mga kamusta eklaboo. Malamang busy sa trabaho ngayon si tatay kaya ayun makalipas ang isang buwan dun lang nagparamdam. Ito ang nilalaman ng email niya: (na kinatuwa ko)

Hi kumosta uli kayo dyan? at kumosta naman ang trabaho mo IHA? ako okey lang dto,,hay kawawa naman ang walang pambili ng bigas biroin mo ang haba ng pila para lang makabili ng NFA rice nakita namin kasi sa balita dto! nakita namin kong mag kano na ang kilo ng bigas...Mabuti kayo ay may roon pang bigas at bangitin mo sa nanay mo na bumili na ng maraming bigas....e komsta naman si noynoy??? nako kaya ikaw kong mag a asawa ka yong marami ng bigas as practical...hehe uhm..osigi walang pikunan....ingat lang parati..iwasan ang sobrang pag pupuyat baka lumabas ang tagyawat...

Natatawa ako kasi andami naman pwedeng sabihin like mga bilin but NO—kelangan mag-imbak ng bigas. Tapos nagkaroon din ng bagong standard sa pag-aasawa: kelangan maraming bigas. Hehehe.. Haciendero na ngayon ang bagong "ideal guy." Hehehe. Pero seryoso tama din si tatay kasi andami na ngayong naghihirap at swerte pa din kami kasi hindi namin nararanasan yung ganun.

miss ko na tatay ko :(

a song playing in my head...

2008-04-09T04:11:00.000-07:00

If I were a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I were a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
As long as you were with me, let the cold wind blow

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

A Vague Dream

2008-04-09T04:04:00.000-07:00

Sometime ago, I had this dream of being killed—by my friends. At the onset of the dream or nightmare (for the term dream often connotes happy things), I sensed already that death is coming. An unstoppable event, predicament that made me accept and just wait for death to come. And so death arrives in the form of three hooded figures, all cloaked like dementors. As I sat in my couch, I thought why does God have to put me in this situation? I felt so scared at the thought of dying young. When the three figures approached me, the two held my hands in a sort of crucifixion way and the other one, lifted my head and aimed for my neck. But before the knife pass through my neck, I saw that the killers were actually my friends. Long time friends whom I known since forever (well at least to me it is). Sudden shocked creeps into my system before I lose my breath and darkness envelopes me. The nightmare ends there.

The morning after I asked my friend, Elea (who sorts of interprets dreams) about it. She told me that I’m just doing many things related perhaps to my friends or I’m doing too many things for other people. My unconscious is telling me to stop and to take a deep breath. Apparently, dreams aren’t so literal (thank God). I’m still alive so I guess no one is going to kill who here. In short, I’m just stressed out because I’m doing many things.

Sighs.

The Power of Choice

2008-03-25T01:42:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I enjoyed in attending Feast days, (aside from the mass of course) it would be the talk of Bo Sanchez . His witty remarks and words are truly inspiring. He is a kind of preacher that you will really listen to because he’s not didactic and you can sense his genuineness when he talked. . I guess his approach in discussing the word of the Lord is different and sincere. Somehow his words affect me, transform me and make me closer to God. And for that, I really admire him.

For years, I used to attend the LOJ feast day which occurred every first Sunday of the month at AFP Theater. My aunt, who is a member, encouraged me and my family to attend. But after two years, I stop attending for I-don’t-know-reasons. Then last Easter Sunday, while channel surfing, I pressed channel 5 (by accident) where I saw the face of Bo again. I didn’t know that his feast day talks were telecast. He was discussing (I think) how a person can be successful. I didn’t catch the beginning so I only heard a few things.

In his talk, he said, “The difference between successful and unsuccessful people is that they (successful people) exercise the power of choice.” Successful people exercise their right to choose while unsuccessful ones lean on chance. Bo said that man’s inability to decide hampers him/her from getting lots of blessings or good things. What happens is there are times they are blessed and other times cursed… He quoted a writer, “It’s choice not chance that determines your destiny.” In short, we have the power to change our lives.” If there is something we want to change, then we can do something about it. If we want to be happy, then we should decide to be happy. Bo even cited how people tend to cry, “sana maging masaya na ako” (well, I’m guilty of this too) not knowing that they have the power to make that happen. One’s happiness doesn’t depend on chance, it happens when one chooses it despite shortcomings.

Though, I’ve heard these things before, it seems that when Bo said it, it’s something new and fresh to the ears. Or maybe I just really needed to hear these words…

When Bo mentioned ‘low self-worth’ it made me realized that sometimes I tend to see things like ‘I deserve this!’ because mababa tingin ko sa sarili ko. Sad but true…

After listening to this: I feel that by becoming reactive and by letting chance do all things, I didn’t arrive at what I want to arrive at. If I want to be somebody, If I want to go somewhere, I’d better exercise my right to choose…

~photo courtesy of Almiray...

A Game called Futsal

2008-02-08T00:47:00.000-08:00

I’m not a fan of sports and I guess sports don’t like me. I don’t have much exposure when it comes to it. PE classes and Volleyball varsity team are the closest things to what I called sports experience. When I was a kid, I wanted to join Milo clinics and be a gymnast but then again there’s an issue called money. If I was exposed to sports then probably I might be a sports lover or even good at any sports. What I really wanted is just to be good at one sport, just one. But then again, I’m not. My body is not coordinated and I can’t seem to do the right position, to remember the rules etc. tsk tsk.

This year I had a rare opportunity of joining Futsal Club in our company (thanks to Jerz). Though I don’t have any background in that sport I signed up just to experience the game, to sweat and to have fun. Last Wednesday, I played my first futsal game along with other officemates. I don’t really know its rules so I keep making mistakes like touching the ball with my hands (that’s one big no no here) and I can’t control the ball itself. I think I’m more on the defense side. All throughout the game I keep running towards the ball because everyone’s doing the same thing. I don’t know the mechanics of this game. All I know is to place the ball in your court and to prevent the other team from scoring. Before we start the game, they (futsal experts) taught us (futsal beginners) how to kick the ball, how to use your feet to stop a ball and so on. I can’t really kick the ball properly. My body has a mind of its own.

The whole time that we’re running I feel my heart is really palpitating non-stop that I thought I’m going to pass out right there. Believe me running to and fro the court could be really tiresome. I was sweating like I never sweat before. After the game, all my hibernating muscles are alive and kicking but I really had fun playing futsal.

Here’s to more futsal games