Cutting the topaks away

This week has been the most topak-in time in my life...for some reason i've felt my emotions fluctuating from good to bad to bad to good. parang roller coaster ride. I initially thought it must be the hormones. But NOOO! a lo mejor it was cause by a feeling of dissatisfaction or discontentment to where I am right now(in my life that is). Honestly, I don't really know why I felt like this or what triggered this in the first place?

and for that reason, I decided to finally had my hair cut. I guess by cutting my hair, it'll just cut off these whirpool of emotions. Hair is memory, like Merlinda Bobis said in her novel. So chop chop hair... bye bye topaks!

But whatever it is I'm going thru, I know I need to pull myself up and grin at my shortcomings. I have to rise above and I know I will with God's help of course and with the help I'm getting from my true friends.

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Sa birthday ko.....

Ito ang gusto kong puntahan.... tara! :-)



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29th Manila International Book Fair



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I am a Chocalate




You Are a Chocolate Cake



Fun, comforting, and friendly.

You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality.

People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.



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Note to Self


The bridge I must be
Is the bridge to my own power
I must translate
My own fears
Mediate
My own weaknesses

I must be the bridge to nowhere
But my true self
And then
I will be useful


~ from Donna Kate Rushin, The Bridge Poem

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My Personality @........35,000 feet




Your Personality at 35,000 Says...



Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking.



You don't spend much time thinking about your place in the world. You are who you are - and people can just deal with that!



Your gift is having a way with words. You know how to express yourself well.



You are inspired by what is possible. Real life is often too ordinary for you.



It's very easy for you to feel happy. You can find peace with any situation.



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My own gift from the sea

One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few...

Re-reading Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift from the Sea for the second time makes me see things that I've not seen when I first read the book. It also made me think that this book is more applicable in my life than ever. One of the takeaways I got from the book is the "shedding of one's shell" or simplifying one's life. It seems simple to say, "I'm going to simplify my life" now but just like everything else, putting it into practice would be the hardest part. This reminded me of Henry David Thoreau's words, "Suck out the marrow of life. Simplify! simplify!"

I agree with her that in one's search to fill in the 'gap' or void of the soul, we desperately fill our lives with distractions aka unnecessary activities. Such activities are not really bad per se but it just clutters our heads, takes our time but never provides an avenue for self-actualization.

But what really clutters my head? my soul? Is it my work? my overflowing heart's desires, unrealized dreams? people whom I revolved my world around? extra-curricular activities? Why do I feel empty when I have so much in life? Why do I need to feel to be loved when there's so much love around me?

I don't have the answers to those yet.. I'm still on the journey on finding myself, of trying to understand my life, of finding my soul, my voice, my being. I remembered when I was somewhere in Tappan park, I told my companion that I'm going to walk maybe, makita ko ang sarili ko After treading the dark path, my companion asked, "o ano nakita mo na ba ang sarili mo?" Sadly, no. But I discoverd that I'm desperately looking for myself and that I'm still the woman-who-is-seraching-for-herself persona that I was three years ago.

I'm hopeful that one day, I'll be a complete and whole person as soon as I fill this big void here in my soul. I also hope to keep the stillness of the axis of my life in spite of distractions, in spite of shortcomings.

I'll begin the journey here and now. My first step would be reflection and time alone to think. After which comes shedding, I'll remove anything/anyone cluttering my life. Value only the essential people/things in my life. Prayer to God. In all else, He is our one true light.

God, Help me.

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For you who never write back

If you still kept the paper I gave you, happens to stumble upon this blog post and probably remembers me... well just drop me a simple note...

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Pasalubong ni Ord (at kung bakit tinotopak ako)

Monday. Holiday pero andito ako sa office. Monday, ayun ke Dilbert ay, "not part of the productive week" pero mali eh andaming ginagawa ngayon dito.Hay.
Hindi magandang araw. Naligaw sa Cubao.Katangahan.Hindi binasa ang sinakyang Jeep.Napa-taxi tuloy. TSUG!

Inis.

Pasalubong ni Ord. 4 na libro.ansaya-saya. Naiiyak ako sa tuwa. Binilhan ako ng:


  • A natural history of love
  • An Alchemy of the mind
  • Ariel
  • Darkly Dreaming Dexter

Masaya.
Ito si Ord ang mabuting tao nagpasalubong sa amin.. salamat!

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A different world of palate

It’s a rare event for my Spanish classmates and I (especially Jpaul who always rushes to go home) to eat lunch together after class. So last last Saturday (9th session), with Nivel 1 classmates (Dona, Boni and Jpaul) and Cha (nivel 3-present classmate) we venture the streets of Manila to find a resto that’s not only delicious but also quantitative (ang technical pero ang gusto ko lang sabihn ay marami). Jpaul suggested this Mediterranean resto where we’re the only Filipinos who’s eating there.

We walked along the supposedly shortcut from Instituto to Rob Malate then finally after 30 mins of walking non-stop, we reach this green resto, aka “SHAWARMA_____CENTER”. (I forgot the complete name.hehehe).True enough, we’re the only Filipinos eating there since everybody except the staff are Middle eastern.

The ambiance of the resto is nice except for the second-hand smoke I’m getting from those Middle eastern guys. Apparently smoking is allowed inside an airconditioned place. It could’ve been okay if they’re just smoking local and ordinary size cigarettes BUT NOOO, they’re using this big tube (like a big Aladin’s lamp) or pipe that just puff lung-killing smokes.

I like the Mediterranean feel, the colorful lamps, the chairs and the lively designs. I was a bit nervous eating there since I haven’t eaten in those kind of restaurants and I’m not sure if my palate is going to love Mediterranean food. It’s just that I don’t want to waste money over some food that I can’t eat. So I played it safe, I choose (based from the menu with pics) the one that has chicken and rice. It seems palatable.

When our orders arrived, I was surprised to find a big bowl (parang caserola) with this half-size chicken. (andami pla nia) I didn’t expect it to be this many. The food tasted like chicken curry. It’s delicious but not enough to make me cry. (like Sonja’s cupcake). I like the Fita bread that Dona and Cha ordered. We also ordered a milky tea (forgot the name!) which I didn’t drink because it smells like ginger and I don’t drink tea.

While we were eating, Jpaul mentioned that in Asia, Philippines is the only country who don’t use a lot of spices in its cuisine. Probably, he was right. Most Filipino dishes are sweet, for example Spaghetti. Even Macany (GK volunteer from Taiwan) made a comment that why it is that most Filipino food are so sweet.

The food trip down Mabini St definitely reminds me that there many tastes of food that my palate still needs to explore.

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Notes on "Notes on a Scandal"

You're barking, fucking mad. You don't know how to love. You have never, your whole life. Me, Jennifer Dodd. You're nothing but waste and disappointment! You bitter old virgin. You're lonely for a reason. They loathed you at school, all of them. I was the idiot who bothered, but only because no one told me you're a fucking vampire! So what is it, Bar? You want to roll around the floor like lovers? You want to fuck me, Barbara? --Sheba Hart

Finally I had the chance to see the movie, Notes on a Scandalwhich starred Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett. The story revolves around Sheba, an art teacher (Blanchett) who had an affair with one of her 15-year old students and Barbara, an old and lonely teacher who befriended Sheba and later blackmailed her as she discovers the affair of Sheba.

This movie delves on the issue of not only family life but also lesbian themes but more than that it’s a story of two lonely women trap in a convention-driven society.


The Different faces

Barbara: The walking irony

A spinster who wears this façade of a strong and happy woman but deep inside, her bitterness and loneliness is slowly eating her up. She lives all alone in her house and keeps a diary where she kept all her secrets and gold stars. People trust me with their secrets. But who do I trust with mine? You, only you.

Like everyone else in this planet, Barbara wants to connect and longs to be with someone. She wants to be found by her soul mate and to realize that maybe her days won’t be as lonely as it was now. When she met Sheba, she knew right then and there that she’s the one she waited for her whole life. Perhaps, it was Sheba’s mysterious personality that attracted Barbara to her. People like Sheba think they know what it is to be lonely. But of the drip, drip of the long-haul, no-end-in-sight solitude, they know nothing. What it's like to construct an entire weekend around a visit to the launderette. Or to be so chronically untouched that the accidental brush of a bus conductor's hand sends a jolt of longing straight to your groin. Of this, Sheba and her like have no clue.

She capitalized on her knowledge of Sheba’s affair and she promised to keep it as a secret as long Sheba will value her more than Sheba values her family. She honestly thought that she and Sheba had a deep connection. But when she discovered that Sheba is still having an affair with Steven and that she rather be with her family than comfort her when her cat died, she knew then that it’s payback time.

Her perception of Sheba’s family and problematic marriage life made her think that she’s going to be Sheba’s oasis or savior in a sense that she’s going to free Sheba from these shackles.

Sheba: The woman who trangressed

Devoted mother and wife. Married her professor who is, 20 years her senior. She’s trying to cope up with the demands of having a child with Down syndrome and other family needs. She decided to teach not only to have a “break” from her monotonous life but also to find herself once again.

Like Barbara, Sheba felt lonely and burdened by her family and marriage. She found solace and escape in Steven, her 15-year old student. Though, she’s aware that having a relationship with her student is “ridiculous and immoral” she let it happened in the belief that she’s “entitled” to do that. This is going to sound sick, but something in me felt... entitled. You know, I've been good all my adult life. I've been a decent wife, a dutiful mother coping with Ben. This voice inside me kept saying "why shouldn't you be bad, why shouldn't you transgress? I mean, you've earned the right."

She likened Barbra of that of a vampire because she (Bar) just really sucked people's energies and emotions by being too clingy and possessive.

If there’s one thing both these women are alike it would be they’re both lonely and are searching for something to fill in the gap in their lives. Barbara was looking for a companion or a friend as she would label it. On the other hand, Sheba was looking for meaning, for her self.

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A visit in Middle earth

Tatay visited auntie elvie and family in NZ last Aug 3. Napadpad kasi dun yung barko nila. Rey told me that they eat in an Italian resto with tatay and they went inside the ship. I wonder when can I also go to middle earth or even see the workplace of tatay. (yung barko). Here's some pictures:


Tatay,Auntie Elvie and Tito Allan Asan na yung fud?



tito allan, Tatay and rey


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Wake Up Call

Here's the inspiring speech of Butch Jimenez during the 2003 UP Commencement Exercise.. .. really really love this!

What's better than?

As graduates, you are just about to set sail into the real world. As you prepare for the battleground of life, you will hear many speeches, read tons of books, and get miles of advice telling you to work hard, dream big, go out and do something for yourself, and have a vision.

Not bad advice, really. In fact, following those nuggets of truth may just bring you to the top. But over the years, I have come to realize that it is great to dream big, have a vision, make a name, and work hard. But, guess what, THERE’S SOMETHING BETTER THAN THAT.

So my message today simply asks the question, What’s better than…?

Let us start off with something real simple. What’s better than a long speech? No doubt, a short one. So, you guys are in luck because I do intend to keep this short.

Now, let me take you through a very simple math exam. I will rattle off a couple of equations, and you tell me what you observe about them. Be mindful of the instructions. You are to tell me what you OBSERVE about the equations. Here goes:

3+4=7, 9+2=11, 8+4=13, and 6+6=12. Tell me, what do you observe.

Every time I conduct this test, more than 90 percent of the participants immediately say 8+4 is not 13 it is 12!

That is true and they are correct. But they could have also observed that the 3 other equations are right. That 3+4 is 7, that 9+2 is 11, and that 6+6 is 12.

What is my point? Many people immediately focus on the negative instead of the positive. Most of us focus on what is wrong with people more than what is right about them. Examine those 4 equations. 3 are right and only one is wrong. But what is the knee jerk observation? The wrong equation.

If people you did not know were to walk through that door, most of you would describe these people by what is negative about them. He’s fat. He’s balding. Oh, the short one. Oh the skinny girl. Ahhh, yung pango. Etc, etc, etc. Get the point?

You will definitely experience this in the corporate world. You do a hundred good things and make one mistake. Guess what, chances are, your attention will be called on that one mistake.

So what is better than focusing on the negative? Believe me, it is focusing on the positive more than the negative. You do that, and this world would be a much nicer place to live in.

What’s Better than Working Hard?
We have always been told to work hard. Our parents say that, our teachers say that, and our principal says that. But there is something better than merely working hard. It is working smart. It is taking time to understand the situation, and coming out with an effective and efficient solution to get more done with less time and effort. As the Japanese say, “There’s always a better way.”

What’s Better than Dreaming Big
I will bet my next month’s salary that many have encouraged you to DREAM BIG. Maybe even to reach for the stars and aim high. I sure heard that about a million times right before I graduated from this university. So I did. I did dream big. I did aim high. I did reach for the stars. There is no doubt it works. In fact, the saying is true: “If you aim for nothing, that is exactly what you will hit…nothing.”

But there’s something better than dreaming big. Believe me, I was shocked myself. And I learned it from the biggest dreamer of all time, Walt Disney.

When it comes to dreaming big, Walt is the man. No bigger dreams were fulfilled than his. Every leadership book describes him as the ultimate dreamer. In fact, the principle of dreaming and achieving is the core message of the Disney hit song, “When You Wish Upon A Star.”

“When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are; anything your heart desires will come to you. If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme. When you wish upon a star, as dreamers do.” – Jiminy Cricket.

But is that what he preached in the Disney Company? Dream? Well, not exactly. Kinda, but not quite. The problem with dreaming is if that is all you do, you get nowhere. In fact you may just fall asleep and never wake up.

The secret to Disney’s success is not just dreaming, it is IMAGINEERING.

You will not find this word in a dictionary. It is purely Disney word. Those that engage in imagineering are called imagineers. The word combines the word imagination with engineering.

In the book, “Imagineers”, Disney’s CEO, Michael Eisner claims that “Imagineers turn impossible dreams into real magic.” Walt Disney explains that there is really no secret to their approach. They just keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because they are curious. And it is this curiosity that leads them down new paths. They always dream, explore, and experiment. In short, IMAGINEERING is the blending of creative imagination and technical know-how.

Eisner expounds on this thought by saying that “not only are imagineers curious, they are courageous, outrageous, and their creativity is contagious.”

The difference with imagineers is that they dream and then they DO! So do not just be a dreamer, be an imagineer.

What’s Better than a Vision?
You must all have been given a lecture at one time or another about the importance of having a vision. Even leadership expert, John Maxwell, says that an indispensable quality of a leader is to have a vision. The Bible also makes it very clear: “Without vision, people perish.” So, no doubt about it, having a vision is important to success.

But surprise! There’s something more potent that a vision… it is a CAUSE. If all you are doing is trying to reach your vision and you are pitted against someone fighting for a cause, chances are you will lose.

The Vietnam War is a classic example. Literally with sticks and stones, the Viet Cong beat the heavily armed US Army, primarily because the US had a vision to win the war but the Vietnamese were fighting for a cause.

Jesus had a rag tag “army” of 12 disciples against the pagan gods of the mighty Roman Empire. But they were able to turn the world around towards Christianity. How? They just did not have a vision to spread their faith; they were truly fighting for a cause.

In the realm of business, Sony founder Akio Morita did not just have a vision to build the biggest electronics company in the world. Read his biography, “Made in Japan.” He was fighting for a cause, and his cause was to help rebuild his country battered by a war. His vision to be an electronics giant was secondary.

So what’s the difference between a vision and a cause? The following

Vision
No one is willing to die for a vision You posses a vision
A vision lies in your hands
A vision involves sacrifice Cause

Cause
People will die for a cause
A cause possesses you
A cause lies in your heart
A cause involves the ultimate sacrifice



A Final Review
• What’s better than focusing on the negative? Focus on the positive.
• What’s better than working hard? It is working smart.
• What’s better than dreaming? Imagineering.
• What’s better than a vision? A cause.
• What’s better than a long speech? Definitely, a short one.

2 final points:

- “To whom much is given, much is required.”
- “There is no destination beyond the reach of one who talks with God.”

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