The Poetics of an Odd (wo) Man out

Letting go has always been difficult for me. I clasp things in my hand like my whole existence depends on it. I hold onto them like letting go would mean death. This has always been the case for me.

Case at point: Teaching Korean students on a part-time basis from (7:15-10:15) after a full time job (9:00-6:00) could be really tiresome. Though my body is about to give in, I choose not to resign. I choose to stay. Why? I love my students dearly despite everyday’s quarrels and tantrums, despite them almost destroying my eardrums (when they shout) and despite me crying over them about life’s miseries. (Which at 12, they couldn’t get).

And also there’s also the I-don’t-wanna-leave-because-of-my-friends factor. Friends are rare gifts so I really value them. Working there for the past one and half year, I’ve gained many friends. I got reunited also with my college friends: Emili, Easter and Chrizelda. So it’s really hard to leave. Plus, I’m happy so why leave? (I thought back then)

But something happened last November that forces me to leave that place. Deep inside I’m not really ready to depart but Fate decided otherwise. I cried when I found out about it. I was thinking of my students that I will leave behind. Who would take care of them now?

Days and months past and without thinking, I realized that I’ve moved on. I still think of my students, the whole teaching routine, the office and my colleagues there from time to time. But I had to move on. I had to move forward.

I left the company last Nov 30 but I suddenly remembered it because my friend Easter is undergoing the same thing. She’s about to leave Waw and she expressed how sad she feels about it. I could relate to her.

Letting go has always been difficult for me. I clasp things in my hand like my whole existence depends on it. I hold onto them like letting go would mean death. This has always been the case for me. And will still be the case.

I've never been tagged in my blog life until this day.... thanks Jerz :)

So, here goes nothing...

1.What is your occupation? Technical marketing eklaboo
2. What color are your socks right now? I’m wearing sandals now so no socks for me
3. What are you listening to right now? Always be my baby –David cook
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Roti mum
5. Can you drive a stick shift? What is stick shift?
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Right now, I’d be blue
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My father
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Muchisimo!
9. Favorite drink? Melon shake or anything with chocolates
10. What is your favorite sport to watch? football/futsal
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? No, though I’ve been thinking about it.
12. Pets? askal
13. Favorite food? Spaghetti and roti mum
14. Last movie you watched? Iron Man
15. Favorite Day of the year? New Year
16. What do you do to vent anger? Either cry inside the church or talk to somebody
17. What was your favorite toy as a child? My pots and kitchen set
18. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Im going to go for spring though haven’t experienced it yet
19. Hugs or kisses? Hugs (it’s more intimate than a kiss)
20. What kind of pie? TinaPIE
21. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes I do
22. Who is most likely to respond? Classmates and friends
23. Who is least likely to respond? same as above
24. Living arrangements? I live in my parents house
25. When was the last time you cried? Can’t tell. It’s a secret
26. What is on the floor of your closet? I don’t really know. Haven’t fix it in awhile
27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? I’m still thinking who to tag.
28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending this to? Still thinking…
29. Favorite smell? The smell of roti mum (but if you are referring to scents/perfume: nada, I’m allergic)
30. What inspires you? Different things inspire me.
31. What are you afraid of? A lot of things mostly rejection and failure
32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese na lang…
33. Favorite car? Cocheng kuba34. Favorite cat breed? I’m not a huge fan of cats (allergies)
35. Number of keys on your key ring? I don’t have any
36. How many years at your current job? One year
37. Favorite day of the week? Friday
38. How many provinces have you lived in? wala pa
39. How many countries have you been to? Will happen…. Near future

will tag Donabel, Cha and Jimmy...

I never thought that fixing graduate school requirements will be sooo 'toxic'. There are just so many things to do: getting a copy of your TOR, look for professors who will do the recommendation letters, xerox this and that, go to former school, deal with menopausal staff and do the recommendation letters yourself.(and I'm not even in gradskul yet.. .. GRRR)

Even though the whole experience is time-consuming and tiresome, I felt glad (in some ways) because fixing these help me reconnect to a certain part in my past: college days. It also awaken my interest to study again by just meeting my professors.

Nakakainggit panoorin ang mga batang masayang naglalaro at naliligo sa ulan, walang pakialam sa dumi ng tubig (sabi kasi nila ang ulan daw galing sa laway ng mga tao or collective saliva) o kung magkakasakit man sila sa pagligo dun. Nakakainggit kasi kebs lang tapos ang gaan-gaan ng mundo para sa kanila.