The Poetics of an Odd (wo) Man out

Letting go has always been difficult for me. I clasp things in my hand like my whole existence depends on it. I hold onto them like letting go would mean death. This has always been the case for me.

Case at point: Teaching Korean students on a part-time basis from (7:15-10:15) after a full time job (9:00-6:00) could be really tiresome. Though my body is about to give in, I choose not to resign. I choose to stay. Why? I love my students dearly despite everyday’s quarrels and tantrums, despite them almost destroying my eardrums (when they shout) and despite me crying over them about life’s miseries. (Which at 12, they couldn’t get).

And also there’s also the I-don’t-wanna-leave-because-of-my-friends factor. Friends are rare gifts so I really value them. Working there for the past one and half year, I’ve gained many friends. I got reunited also with my college friends: Emili, Easter and Chrizelda. So it’s really hard to leave. Plus, I’m happy so why leave? (I thought back then)

But something happened last November that forces me to leave that place. Deep inside I’m not really ready to depart but Fate decided otherwise. I cried when I found out about it. I was thinking of my students that I will leave behind. Who would take care of them now?

Days and months past and without thinking, I realized that I’ve moved on. I still think of my students, the whole teaching routine, the office and my colleagues there from time to time. But I had to move on. I had to move forward.

I left the company last Nov 30 but I suddenly remembered it because my friend Easter is undergoing the same thing. She’s about to leave Waw and she expressed how sad she feels about it. I could relate to her.

Letting go has always been difficult for me. I clasp things in my hand like my whole existence depends on it. I hold onto them like letting go would mean death. This has always been the case for me. And will still be the case.