expectation resulting to frustrations. how do i tell? how do i begin? call twice for confirmation. in denial. slowly sinking to my head. Where does that leave me? no plan B, C. i'm at lost. thought new life will begin in June. dead wrong. not meant to be. then what's really meant for me? --failure? thought this is my YEAR. dead wrong. again. always. how do i explain to myself, to my parents. quite expectant. it's not easy. accept. deny. sorry. disappointments. headed nowhere. mother is right. nothing's happening in my life. stuck. stuck. nothing is darker than my future. exaggeration? i guess not. one failure after another. all life's aspects. Can God at least give me something I coud be really happy about? Am i lesser person now that I failed? failed at everything. wasn't good at anything at all. where should i go? where am i now headed? dead end.
Maybe in some distant place, everything is already, quietly lost, or at least there exists a silent place where everything can disappear -Haruki Murakami
- badetteskie
- perennial dreamer, booklover, wannabe-rayter, red mango-convert
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