The Poetics of an Odd (wo) Man out

I hate the fact that I'm loveless, BF-less, and the feeling that nobody seems to think that my existence is special to say the least. There's this cousin of mine, who wants to do "reto-reto" and somehow I'm pissed. I don't know why. Maybe, I'm not yet open to these experiences or I just hate it that someone is making me feel that I'm incapable of finding my maan (mahal) thru the reto stuff. I also hate it that the guy has some sort of expectations and the vibes that he wants to see me badly and he's really interested. Why should he? He doesn't know me enough to say that I'm interesting. It's just BS.

The guy also wants to go to our house and visit me there. WHY?!!!!!! for goodness' sake. I just don't get it. It's just macho thingie for me and not respect as they often say. See, if a guy wants to go to your house that means he has good intentions. I don't think so. If there's someone I'll bring to our home and introduce to my parents, that would be my life partner, not just some random guy that my cousin introduced to me.

I'm also pissed with my cousin. He acts as though I need to have a BF now because it's not good to end up as an old maid. He thinks that being married is the greatest fulfillment in this world. Of course, I do want to marry someday but I want to achieve my dreams first and really know myself.

I do want to have a lovelife and I don't want to end up as a spinster but I'd rather find "the love of my life" on my own and through different ways. But not like this. Not now.

Image from here.